PsychoKris: The Blog

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

2010-10-21T21:37:00.001-04:00

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Free family tree - Free genealogy

2009-09-21T14:35:00.003-04:00

I am falling apart and it feels like there's nothing I can do about it.

I can't handle university.
Life Science? What the fuck was I thinking?
I don't even know why I'm here.
I hate chemistry.
I hate physics.

I guess I like math and biology...
I honestly don't see myself in a career revolving around them anymore.

I'm wondering why the FUCK I didn't pick graphic design over this bullshit.
Honestly... I would be so happy with a job in graphic design.
Why didn't I see this before?
Oh right... because I still had dreams of being a doctor.
A psychiatrist.
I'm so fucking dumb.

I feel like crying. These courses are too damn hard.
I quit life.

Un Deux Trois Quatre! Action!

2009-09-11T00:46:00.003-04:00

Oh hot damn.
Kristen met the Johnstonesssss!♥
They are madddd sexy. Holy.
So this is officially my favourite frosh story.
And incredibly, I am sober throughout this whole thing.

So. Tonight was faculty night...
My faculty (science) went out into the forest and the lake and went canoeing, played volleyball, and some other lametard camp activities.
So. I did not go to my faculty night.

Instead, I creeped the Johnstones show, which was the event planned for the social science faculty night. I wandered around the fenced off area and all the soc sci reps told me to go away.

Then Ryan, Julian, and Garbonez came out of the fenced off area, filming their awesome videos.
So I may of may not be in one of their notorious Youtube films.

While the filming was going on, Ryan told me I should go to the show.
Um. ♥.
I whipped out my Johnstones T-shirt and he told me to sneak in somehow.
After that... twas my mission to go to the show.

So I met up with my soc sci neighbour.
He showed me the symbol they drew on his hand for re-entry.
I proceeded to draw one on my hand.

Mission complete-ish?

So we get there and they tell me I can get in for $2.
Perfect. I paid. Happily.

So the show was the sex.
I was wearing my Johnstones shirt, screaming the words at the top of my lungs.
It was really fun :] and people thought I was nuts.
And I think Jarek saw me screaming out the words.

So after I crept around to where they were standing and talking to Ryan and Jarek.
And I took a picture with themmmm♥

Haha so then Ryan wandered to the merch table and I was talking to Jarek.
Jarek thought I was awesome because I was a Life Sci-er. HE was in Life Sci at McMaster. So then he was talking to me about classes and how I liked Mac and stuff.

He was so cute haha. I told him about my mission getting into the concert and he was like. Oh. Here's what you do. See those bushes? Climb through those. I used to do that all the time when I was here. But if you're here to see us, just come find me and I'll bring you in.

Um. LOVE.

So a while back in Wasaga I got Ryan and Julian to sign my Johnstones t-shirt.
Jarek, Rene, and Brent signed my shirt too.

So basically I got to meet all of them. Have an amazing in depth conversation with Jarek, a picture with Ryan and Jarek, and possibly filmed in Ryan and Julian's movie.

Holy shit today was a sexy day.
Damn.
Haha.

So tomorrow.
Going home.
♥

I'm kind of a loser with my homesickness... but mostly I miss my shower... lol.
K I got class tomorrow.
Haha.
Night.

20 Things to do when you're losing your mind.

2009-08-25T14:23:00.003-04:00

So.
I'm going to start compiling a list of all the things I've been doing to avoid thinking too much.

1. Watch TrueBlood reruns. Eric can 'glamour' pretty much every sad thought from my head.
2. Update Itunes and find all Cover Art. Good waste of an hour or so.
3. Watch Disney movies and dream about princes. And magic. And happy things.
4. Dance around like a moron to USS, Saint Alvia, and Matt & Kim.
5. Update Facebook profile. And then close Facebook before I start creeping.
6. Photoshop. And listen to songs on repeat. Make pretty things out of my insanity.
7. Watch movies about people who are much sadder than me.
8. Wikipedia random things... and click on blue words.
9. Make friendship bracelets. These waste hours and busy my hands like mad.
10. The Sims 3. It's nice control some kind of life since I have absolutely no control over my own.
11. Rating all songs out of 5. Yes I'm back to organizing Itunes. I have self-diagnosed OCD.
12. Play Viva Pinata on Xbox 360. Gardening in the basement, instead of outdoors in the sun.
13. Listen to the Johnstones podcasts. Fall in love with Ryan's voice.
14. Write my craptastic novel. I have tons of experience in the pitiful romantic comedy field.
15. Download new music. Rediscover old songs.
16. Lie in the sun. Look at clouds.
17. Make pro/con lists of possible actions. Set them on fire.
18. Watch my Grey's Anatomy/Gilmore Girls DVDs.
19. Belt out Paramore songs at the top of my lungs. Yay for Rock Band.
20. Blog about how sad my life is. I do a good job, don't you think?

So. Yes.
This is what my exciting life has been reduced to.
I need to get out of the house.
I need to stop holding my breath.
I need to stop worrying about other people and take care of me.

Pour me one last drink after this last dance

2009-08-21T00:37:00.004-04:00

I been doing very little. A lot.

I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse/TrueBlood books for weeks.
I'm on the fourth one now.
They're kind of amazing?

I probably like them more than Twilight.
Eric Northman > Edward Cullen. For sure :)

He's not sparkly or very nice really.

But, damn.

I repeat.

Damn.

Haha.

Also. The vampires are actually vampires.

As in they bite people.

Conclusion.

Watch/Read TrueBlood.

Anyway.

I've been having really eccentric, vivid, ridiculous dreams lately.

I had the pregnancy scare one...

One about getting kidnapped.

One about dating a vampire (okay. so this wasn't very original)

And a bunch of ones that made very little sense, and even confused me when I was sleeping.

Even ones that I never wanted to wake up from.

Yeah.

I think I'm gonna go read

and hopefully have some good dreams.

:) Bai.

Whose side are you on? What side is this anyway?

2009-08-05T01:36:00.002-04:00

My faith in music has been restored.
Frustrated with my last music slump, I downloaded some 30 random songs recommended by strangers on the Internet, hoping that at least a few songs would be listenable.
I was thoroughly impressed with some of the musical gems I found.

Lessons Learned - Matt & Kim
Ok, so the video for this is amazing. I don't know why I love it so much. Streaking is nothing new in music videos, but this one makes me feel hopeful and liberated. And I'm not even the one running naked in New York.
The song feels sincere, folky, punkish, and electronic all at the same time.

Japanese Gum - Her Space Holiday
I haven't listened to this one as much as I would have liked, but so far I love it. To be honest, I only downloaded it for the sweet title. It's sweet and sad and simple. Maybe too simple, but that will unveil itself in time.

Jump in the Pool - Friendly Fires
This song makes me think of summer. Diving into pools at night. And flying. And being in love. It's lovely. They're congos and a combination of upbeat and serene voices.

Little Secrets - Passion Pit
I ADORE Passion Pit. This song probably is the best description of my life at this very second. It's a bit more electronic then my usual stuff, but this song. It's about secrets and adrenaline. It's my life in a box, basically.

Moth's Wings - Passion Pit
I've said it lots of times. These guys are DEFINITELY going to be huge. This song is absolutely beautiful. Like. Unbelievable. This song in particular blows my mind.

Feel.Love.Thinking.Of - Faunts
Cuuuuuute. It's electronic but not overly so. The voice is soothing and longing. I can't let go what I'm thinking of either C: So I won't.

Heads Will roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
OFF OFF OFF WITH YOUR HEAD♥
This song is fabulous. Makes me wanna dance. And sing. Loud.

The rest are throwbacks by Blink182, Broken Social Scene, Bloc Party, Beck, and a couple other songs I decided I could not live without.
♥ C:
K, that's all.
I just thought I should share my happy news.
Music isn't dead.

& If it makes you less sad...

2009-07-17T15:19:00.003-04:00

So.
I've fallen in love with the saddest song in the world.
I actually feel like crying pretty much every time I hear it.
And... you know, because I'm psychotic, I have had it on loop for pretty much 24 hours.
Here are the words. You can listen to it on the July/August playlist.

If it makes you less sad
I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you want
I already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad
We'll start talking again
And you can tell me how vile
I already know that I am

I'll grow old
And start acting my age
I'll be a brand new day
In a life that you hate
A crown of gold
A heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts a whole lot
But it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad you that can forgive
Only hoping as time goes
You can forget

If it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself
I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad
I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint
I will paint myself out
It's as cold as a tomb
And it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed
To pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits
Or get a grip
Say you wanted a solution
You just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget
So you can forget
You can forget

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white like the skin
Stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before the rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget

Yeah.
It doesn't help that I finished Eclipse.
I no longer feel sad for Bella. At all.
I actually think she's an idiot.
And Edward is annoying.
And Jacob Black's pain has put me in my emo mood.
Wow. He definitely puts my issues in perspective.
Like I was reading and listening to that song.
It was probably the most depressing combination.

So conclusion.
I love Jacob Black...
The End.

Other than that.
There are no new developments.

I shouldn't be allowed to blog in the summer.
All I do is ramble about things that don't matter.
But I know tomorrow I'll be doing the same thing.
Creeping on my brother's computer just to use this as a way to sort out the mess in my head.
And it's such a big mess.

Ok I'll stop.
Laater.

EDIT:
So I was creeping the Eclipse page on Stephenie Meyer's website... And the Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot is on her Eclipse playlist.
WOW. That makes so much sense it hurts my heart a little.

We're taking this way too slow.

2009-07-14T00:16:00.002-04:00

I'll always be dreaming of you♥
I love Blink182.

Like.
They basically define three years of my life.
When they broke up.
And when they got back together.
Huge moments in my life.
Hah.

I'm really bored.
LOL.
I'm watching prank calls on YouTube...
How exciting is my life?
Uhmmmm.
Yeah.
This one is really funny. LOL. Branden left his baby in a picnic basket at WalMart and the store got put into lockdown.

Yeah.
This is my life.
LOL. I'm gonna go sleep now.
Hopefully tomorrow will be less lame.
haha K bye.

Who Will Drive My Soul?

2009-07-12T13:16:00.002-04:00

I made a new layout C:
Haha. It's not my absolute favourite, but I love how it's not my usual style. Haha I think it looks like summer on acid. But it's pretty. And the codes aren't retarded.
I kinda miss the Bats for Lashes layout, actually.
But this will do for the summer I think.

So. Yesterday I did absolutely nothing.
I started working on the new layout at 6 and finished at 11.
I wish I had that kind of concentration for school.
Like. If I could do schoolwork for 5 hours straight, I'd be a genius.
Actually.

I've been watching old Dead Like Me episodes.
I forgot how much I loved this show.
And like. It feels like it makes more sense now.
George is 18.
It feels like I'm watching myself... if I died by freak toilet seat accident.
I'm on episode 7.

What else is new... Hm.
Oh, I put up the epic Wasaga entry on the Secret Page.
It's really. AH.
In a bad way. Ahaha.

So this is an major fail of an entry.
I'll try to be more interesting soontimes.

Oh. And I mighhhhtttt. MIGHT start blogging exclusively on the Secret Page.
I think it would be easier to write in one blog.
All of my stories have become extremely awkward and drunken that I don't really feel like sharing them with the masses.
And by masses, I mean no one. Because no one reads this.
But I'd feel better if I was 100% sure no one read my posts.

We'll see.
For now I'm going to continue the 2 tiered blog.
That's all.
C:

Shit. I Broke The Blog.

2009-07-11T11:02:00.002-04:00

K So. I dunno what I did exactly, but the codes are fucked up and I don`t know how to fix it. I`m probably going to make a new layout soontime... But I still love this one =[

Sooo. I've been ungrounded... which is good.
I went out yesterday to see Bruno.
I can now legitimately say I've seen gay porn.
Um.
My eyes.
Lol?

So Kristen and I pretty much cried the whole movie.
We got up to leave towards the end, and the guys came too.

Then we went to some sketch house party... where I knew like... 2 people.

But first, we walked for like... 45 minutes for no apparent reason.
We went through rapist forests and other random things.
Like. wowww.

Let me tell you.
I could not get wasted fast enough.
Yay vodka shots.

Ummmm. It was probably the most random event this summer...
And there were some pretty RANDOM events recently.

I might secret page later.
Actually. I was thinking of making a new blog.
It would fuse together the Secret Page and this blog.
So I didn't have to separate everything.
Except there would be no one reading it.
Haha.
I really doubt too many people read this anyway.
It's really here for my own benefit.

K I think I'll do that.
I just have to make my new layout.
K bye.

Fare Thee Well Summer, I will miss thee so.

2009-07-09T12:28:00.002-04:00

So the haps of last night.
I went to a 'party' last night.
It wasn't reaaallly a party.
It was a dozen people or so sitting around drinking.

My phone died early in the night.
My mom called me a couple times.

I thought I'd be useful and get a ride home from someone else, so that my mom didn't have to come and get me.
But she went anyway.
We must have crossed paths somewhere.
So she was super pissed.
Aaaaaand I'm not allowed out on weekdays anymore.

FML.

Summer is ruined.
On a side note I have plans tonight :/

Soooo. I'm probably going to have to:
a) Find my own way home
b) Grovel
c) Clean my scary room
d) Empty out the scary food containers growning God knows what.
e) Cry

Soooo. We'll see what happens tonight.
We. will. see.
Agh.
My life is over.
The end.

And when you're gone, will I lose control?

2009-07-06T22:59:00.002-04:00

Wow.
When did I become infatuated with mainstream music.
I've had Drive My Soul - Lights on repeat for like... 2 days.
I'm not even exaggerating.
It's unhealthy.
Usually this happens with obscure music that makes me question my sanity.

It's definitely got something to do with the state of my heart.
C: ♥
Yeah I'm turning into one of those girls.
Kill me.

I'm also listening to I am a Pirate, You are a Princess - PlayRadioPlay!
It's only one of the cutest songs of my life. Even Fairytale Characters Would Be Jealous is an amazing one too...
I'm such a freaking loser.
My music makes me so transparent, it's unbelievable.

So I've been reading old blogs, and I realized I haven't been reading nearly as much as last year. I think drama just took over everything and my imaginary worlds got pushed aside.
I really preferred the imaginariness.
So I'm going to start reading again.
And hopefully start some short stories.
I love writing. Obviously.
But I realized that I'm bored of rambling about me.
I barely blog.

So if you don't hear from me, except for my random bi-polarities on the Secret Page... it's because I'm writing other things.
Or maybe I'm just living my life instead of writing about it.
I'm going to regret not blogging about the little things later when my memory's gone, but right now it's starting to feel redundant.

Okay I'm off to go be literate.
Bai.

Sharpen your teeth; Sink into me.

2009-07-04T21:47:00.003-04:00

I'm actually a HUGE ridiculous failure at keeping this updated.
I got back from Wasaga a couple days ago...
I've been writing an epic blog about it on the secret page, but I realize it's really, really not something I want to share anymore...
Haha Wasaga is dirty.

I saw the Johnstones!
They were my favouriteeeee♥
I was in the front row without getting killed.
Aaaaand. I met Julian and Ryan...
Aaaaand they signed my shirt.
Aaaaand Rene is using one of the pictures I took of him as his Fbook profile picture C:
Uhm.
♥
Haha.

Hm. What else is new?
I'm going to Wakestock in August.
UBIQUITOUS SYNERGY SEEKERRRR♥
I'm so effing stoked.
Like.
I definitely need to Secret Pagery the story about that.
Ah!
Exciting.

Kay... I'm gonna run this over to Secret Page.
Because well.
I'm way too stoked about Wakestock.
Ahaha.
Oh man.
K bye.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Blog!

2009-06-22T22:10:00.003-04:00

Wow! So I forgot to post the celebratory blog entry for my second anniversary on PsychoKris. The actual day was June 20th, but today will do.
Here it is. My most favourite quotes from my second year of the blog.

July 2008

(On summer vacation) Boom. I woke up at noon. It's definitely summertime.

(On wanting to live in TV and/or books) There's only so much time I can hide in the happy land of fiction. But it's so pretty. I'd rather live in a world wittily written by professionals. It's just too perfect.

(On my scizophrenia) People are so much better when they're made up. It's really unfair.

(On fights) Personal vendettas are fun, but they get old quickly.

(On my vocabulary) Hehe.. I just ran spellcheck. I invented 5 words. The rest are noises and words spelt with too many letters.

(Can you say... foreshadow?) Everything changes. I'm beginning to learn that the hard way. That scares me.

(On my lifegoals) Then we are going to stalk every drummer in any band, bad or good and I'm going to take pictures with them all C:

August 2008

(On self-discovery) I am an antisocial loser. What frightens me though, is that I might actually enjoy it.

(On Twilight) Now all real boys are flawwed and nowhere near as amazing as the fictional kind.
My standards are now ridiculously high.
"Hmm... not a mythical creature? Sorry, this won't work out"
"Wanna build me a motorcycle? You can't. Hmm. I'll see you around then"
"Edward does [insert anything here] better"

(On the awesomeness of technology) Especially when the GPS is like... ONG UR NOT LISTENING STAY ON THE 401 PLZ.

(On Grade 12) I'm not going to lie. I do want to get this year over. It's just like ripping off a band aid. Get this done, and it's university. Get this done, and no more high school stupidity.

September 2008

(On the last first day of school) Time seems to move faster and faster. It scares me.

(On grade nines) Wow.. There's so many silly new children. They scream and squeak and squeal and I hate them the most out of all the years of niners.

(On Biology class) I sit with Chelsea. So it's more study and therapy sessions than goofing off and doing nothing (aka last year).

(On Grade 12 English) I am so post-modern with my randomness, my obsession, my sporadic thought patterns, I should be taught in Grade 12 English.

(on the YRT) We decided that from now on, we will request our drivers to be sober. Yes... that would be nice.

October 2008

(On Religious Retreating) This time it was just our Religion/Music Class. 19 people that I love =]
We've been in the music program together for 4 years and so no one is uncomfortable with one another and our silliness is not judged.

(On inproving English skills) Which brings me to my theory... Blogging makes you smarter!

(On relating to TV) So I never noticed, but I'm Izzy. I put my heart and soul into everything, and every time something doesn't work out. I die a little. I care about everyone... even when it's completely uncalled for. Like how she is with Alex. I mean, that could actually be my life. The dynamic of the relationship. It's exactly the same as...

(On work) So. StyleSense sucks. I hate it passionately. If it weren't for the people... I would have long since stabbed myself with a stiletto pump. No lies.

(On my birthday) Today is that magical fateful day. Twas on this day in history that the greatest gift to sex, and rock music was born. TRAVIS BARKER.

(On Music class) In music, we're writing our own songs... and parts for all the intruments. It's also known as crying, banging on the piano, endlessly counting out rhythms, chords, intervals, and transpositions, and more crying.

(On speaking music code) Song of my life? It's definitely You Still Love Him by White Lies. And I'm wishing it would be Misery Business by Paramore.

(On my life) At the end of his book though, there's catharsis and everything makes sense in the end.
I really hope my book ends that way. That was a metaphor, in case you didn't pick up on that. By the way, I'm an english nerd now.

(On the parallels of One Tree Hill and oh, my life) Although my life creepily became the main plot of the stupid show and everytime I try to continue watching, I am reminded of how crappy my life is becoming and tears usually ensue.

(On Pajama Sam) So, needless to say. I'm extremely happy that a piece of the 90s lives on.
After all, the kids need a break from taking care of there Poniez eventually.

January 2009

(My so-called life) Drama in my life has reached unbelievable levels of 'WHAT THE FUCK?'

(On reading fail) I've been calling oxytocin... oxycotin... as in oxycotton. YAY FOR SELF-INDUCED DYSLEXIA!

(On a new semester) I'm too afraid of fucking up my clean slate.

March 2009

(On chemistry class) Anyway, in class today we blew bubbles of methane and set them on fire. Yay.

(On my husband) Anthony's like YOU KNOW WHAT! She's been my friend for like FOUR years ect. ect. and then he goes and our last names are side by side so I always end up sitting with her! It's like FATE!
And then the sub and Anthony continued to discuss our marital plans.

April 2009

(On my bandies) So I'm suffering depression and separation anxiety. From my bandies. I can't even imagine what life will be like without band geeks. Today was allll hugs and tears. I honestly never wanted to let go.

May 2009

(on prom) I have a pretty dress, that I barely fit into... so ba
sically I've been running every day. It's like. The most amazing thing I've ever seen. So. It's going to freaking fit.

June 2009

(On buggy video games) Random Sims without husbands/wives/boyfriends/lifepartners/pollination technicians have unexplained babies. I mean. K fine. If you're a girl, then I can rename your baby Jesus and have a fun time with blasphemy and such... But I'm having a difficult time figuring out how the immaculate conception by a single father happens. Yeah.

Okay. I definitely noticed I wasn't as funny after my drama and angry spats (Decemberish), so I'm going to make my blogs less whiny from now on for sure.
C:

Kristen Just Finished High School OMG.

2009-06-22T21:14:00.004-04:00

So today I wrote my very last high school exam.
I studied for 30 minutes.
Suprisingly, I think I did pretty decent.

Honestly. I would have kept my acceptance and scholarship if I failed...
So I really wasn't that worried.

Uhm. Yeah. So now I have epic Sims time.
Woot!
Hopefully the Sims 3 patch will be out soontime.
Then I can actually play it.

Um. I'm also gonna have time to bass.
I did that already for an hour or so.

And I can finally start writing one of those 4-5 novel ideas.
I lost my favourite one to my old computer.
It was the one I actually had planned from start to finish.
I'm going to redo it.
I liked that story.

Hm. What else?
I'll probably build a list of eventually.

OH. Speaking of lists.
I'm going to put up my Life Soundtrack soon.
I have a bit more work to do, but I'll figure it out soon.

I'm trying really hard to busy myself..
So I don't have to think about my self-diagnosed BSA.
Band Separation Anxiety.

I cried after my math exam...
I'm gonna miss Anthony and Ajax and Liana.
Like. Ridiculously.
My math buddies♥
Anthony was my first friend.. in all of high school.
Last name alpha order... so basically we always end up sitting together.
He's my grad buddy, too C:
Aw I'm gonna cry.

K subject change.
THE LOST BOYS OMG.
The Lost Boys is a vampire movie from 1987 with baby Kiefer Sutherland and Sean Penn. I'm actually obsessed with this movie. I've watched it every day after school this week.
Uhmmm. I'm in love. I don't even know why.
I have a serious love of all things vampire... (and not even Edward Cullen... like the rest of the female race).

I have been watching True Blood religiously.
Bill and Eric are DAMN sexy vampires. Like. Wow. Haha.

And then my other random awkward TV thing...
I've been watching Digimon on YouTube.
It's so awesome.
I love the 90s. Seriously.
Going back in time would be sweet.
And the 80s would be pretty awesome, too.

So yeah.
I'm gonna continue watching Digimon, and maybe add to the Secret Page.
There's been a lot of development...
Mostly in my head. Again.
I'm really lame like that.

K Lates.

I Try, But You Only Ever Treat the Symptoms

2009-06-12T22:23:00.002-04:00

Oh hai.

I've been seriously neglecting the blog and the Secret Page.
Definitely the page.

Confliction in my own head AGAIN.
God, I need to sort out my shit.

Haha so anyway.

I wrote a musical exam today.
Almost didn't finish.
I cried to my teacher and got extra time.
Like 5 other people did too. So.
I'm not a big failure. ish.

It is one week till the 2nd anniversary of Psychokris.
I'm already pulling silly quotes C:
It's honestly my favourite, reading over everything.
Seeing how much has changed.

This year has been so intense. Everything is different now.
And oddly, I don't think I would change it.
Other than my chicken shit behaviour.
Yes, that is presently pissing me off.

There's only 3 more days left of high school.
People were signing my uniform shirt...
Like honestly. I love everyone.
I don't know how I'm going to let them go.
Especially my bandies.
There's going to be squishy hugs and crying on the last day for sure.
And then tons and tons of outings so that we can spend the summer together.

Oh. I haven't mentioned how our school is run by Nazis.
So right now is kind of senior prank time.
Because of last year's graffiti incident, the admin are being incredibly gay about everything.
We all wore civies (street clothes) today as 'prank' and they basically told us to get changed or get the fuck out.
We also had a facebook group basically for prank ideas and someone (really really gay) printed out the group wall and gave it to the admin. Anyone who wrote anything was given lunch detention and threatened suspension.
LOLWTFBBQ.
Yeah.

I also got in trouble for having people sign my uniform shirt. I borrowed a sweater and wore it on top.
STL is starting to act like Villanova. Which is gay. And scary.
Glad I'm out. C:
THREE DAYSSS.

LOL kay. I have nothing else to say C:
Byee.

And when I need you, I need it quickly.

2009-06-08T18:39:00.003-04:00

I went MIA again.
:(

So Sims...
I'm going to strongly suggest NOT buying new Sims... Until they fix this retarded Story Progression Mode.
Apparently all Sims born as a result of SPM are immaculate conception.
Random Sims without husbands/wives/boyfriends/lifepartners/pollination technicians have unexplained babies.
I mean. K fine. If you're a girl, then I can rename your baby Jesus and have a fun time with blasphemy and such...
But I'm having a difficult time figuring out how the immaculate conception by a single father happens.
Yeah.
Also. Sims are all aging at different times... so I played basically 5 Sim days in one house and my teen neighbours were adults (skipping the 12 days or so of young adulthood plus whatever remained from their teen days)

I did have a TON of fun with the free download town.
Bob Newbie and Betty Simovitch were teens.
I raised them up, married them and they had Brandi Newbie.
Now I'm working on getting Brandi to marry Skip so I can basically recreate the past in the Sims 2 storyline C:
Ahaha I'm I loser.
Shut it.

In my illness, I missed an entire (and last chapter) in chem, a music history and playing test, and my math test and mark update.

Stomach flu just keeps on biting.
K.
I'm gonna go nowtime.
Bai.

Stomach Flu and Sims 3

2009-06-05T21:15:00.002-04:00

Soo.
I guess I fail at blogging every day.

I've had the stomach flu basically since I last blogged.

I've watched a ridiculous amount of movies and TV.
My favourite was WALL-E.
It's actually my favourite movie.
It's like. the kiddie version of everything I like...
Futuristic science fictiony stuff with human failure.
LOL. That sums up every book and movie I've ever loved.

I've also been playing the Sims 3.
It's really, really different.
The Sims are ugly now... It's something that I've accepted.
And Sims can now be morbidly obese.
Hm. Toddlers and babies are also beyond creepy.

I DO like that you can wander town and stalk your neighbours...
Another weird/interesting feature is that (if you want) time can pass in all houses in a neighbourhood while you play in one house.

Meaning that your neighbours age as you do.
They can also move in roommates, get married, have babies, and even die when you're not playing.
At first, this freaked me out... Like. I like having control of my neighbourhood... Deciding who will marry who, how many kids, ect ect.
But it's actually really interesting how the neighbourhood grows and changes.
And if you plan on playing in one household for a long period of time, you can turn off this option, and the neighbourhood will freeze in time again.
This way your neighbours don't completely change as you play with one family.

So yeah.
I'm watching Hancock for the 3rd time.
I'm gonna go now.
I feel like playing more Sims...
C:

Countdowwnnn.

2009-06-02T22:22:00.003-04:00

Oh hey C:
Guess what I'm doing?

...

If you guessed waiting for Sims 3 to install, you guessed right!
WOOT!

The install is SO slow.
It's at maybe, uh...
15%?

I'm so excited C: Haha.
Let's talk about my day, since this is clearly going to be a while.

So first period I did my chastity presentation.
The essay we presented actually made so much sense.
I'm gonna be a good girl and wait C:
For now.

Aaaanyway.
It's actually a really good essay.
Normally I think religion (the class) is retarded.
This article didn't even mention ONG DON'T DO IT GOD WILL SMITE YOU!
It just... made sense.

Install at 45% ♥

I slept in chem, after staying up till 2am the morning before... It was nice.

I had a math test, and I'm actually so happy.
I might actually keep my mark at an acceptable level.
I might even get an 80 O_O
That's a whole 20% better than my first semester mark.
WOOT C:

So that was my day.
55%

Craaap.
I need to think of something else to talk about.
I'm not interesting enough for this :/

I worked today.
I saw my friendd... I haven't worked with him since February
and all the people I actually like were working today.
These are good days.
The days that work is tolerable.

70%.

Sooo...
Wow this blog fails.
I'll end it here.
Save us both the pain.
Hah.
Baiii.

When I fly solo, I fly so high

2009-06-01T18:12:00.002-04:00

Boo!
So.

I've been considering something kind of interesting...
Apparently studying medicine abroad is a lot easier than studying in Canada.
Not like... easier as in I'm going to become Dr. Nick and kill my patients...
Like easier as in I don't have to have perfect grades and be interesting and have billions of dollars to spend.

My secret dream has always been to go into Psychiatry. It is the dream that I shoved into the back of my mind and tried not to think about because I knew it was NOT going to happen, for all of those lovely reasons I listed previously.

So... it might be possible to go abroad and study.
My top choices are Ireland and Australia.
I'd have to find a way to pay 30k or so a year...
But like. It could happen.

And like. I could live in Ireland or Australia ♥
How freaking amazing would that be?

That's today's thought.
You can't tell me what you think, because my comments are still down.
Faail.

My other thing...
I have become completely and utterly obsessed with the Johnstones.
I've watched pretty much all 50 something of their videos on Youtube.
I subscribe to their Podcast...
Like.
Unhealthy addictions... Seriously.
Seriously.

Blah.
I'm done.
Aaand I'm gonna try to stop stalking.
Yeah.

When Tonight is Over, Yesterdays Are All We Got.

2009-05-31T20:39:00.003-04:00

So I'm actually keeping my promise.
I'm blogging for the second day in a row.
Technically it was really really early this morning...
But we can just pretend.

Today was nice.
It was Madison and Alex's confirmation...
Or 'conformation' as Madison had in her MSN name.
LOL. The irony.

I also went to work to pick up a clutch/wristlet thing I fell in love with at work yesterday. It's blue crocskin and it fits my phone, iPod, bills, coins and cards. It's amazing. I have no use for my faux Coach swingpack anymore. This works so much nicer.

This weekend has felt so long.
I guess it's because this is probably one of the only weekends where I actually can't stand to be home. It's so obvious why... but still. It's a weird sensation... school is death.
But not anymore, I guess.

Tuesday there's a chastity presentation.
Apparently it's something I have to see before school ends.
It will 'change my life'.
I'm going to go... but only because... well. Let's just say alterior, and relatively non-religiony motives.
Defintitely.

Anyway, I gotta get back to teaching myself chemistry.
I did pretty amazing yesterday.
I learned an entire chapter in a day.
Today is another chapter.
And then, maybe, a lab report.
I seem to have lost my lab data, so I might have to borrow someone's and do my lab in spare...
Agh O_O

Okay.
Later.

I'm Like a Virgin Losing a Child

2009-05-31T02:33:00.003-04:00

So I finally got around to fixing up the codes.
The old one was horrendous.

I just need to apply it to the Secret Page, update the playlist (It's still March/April... fail), aand write the layout blurb. I might try and get the tagboard or comment system back. Right now there's no way to give feedback.

Not that anyone feeds back... c;

Yes, I'm usually on top of these things, but it's u>2:30 am, and I'm really sleepy. I had work, so I'm cramming all of my computer activities in super late at night.

So.
Prom is less than a month away C:
I have a pretty dress, that I barely fit into... so basically I've been running every day. It's like. The most amazing thing I've ever seen. So. It's going to freaking fit.

What's silly is that I'm more excited for WASAGAAAAA. Ho. My. God.
THE JOHNSTONES ARE PLAYING WASAGABEACHFEST.
Hah.
I saw them last year... let's see if I wrote about it...
Oh hey I did C:

So my hero was the guy from the Johnstones that talked to me...
And I was so lost and out of it, I didn't realize who he was at first.
And atfer he walked by I just stopped and was like OMGWTFDASIF!
He then turned around and saw me freaking out.
LOL

The drummer that I creeped on was also from the Johnstones.
I saw him at their merch booth...
And then hanging out beside the stage...
And then 2 other occasions.
I swear I didn't plan it that way, but it made me pretty happy.
I'm not going to lie.

Sooo. Basically I'm going to make up for not realizing it was him. Dayum. I'm getting my picture taken with them for sure. The drummer is sooooo fine. Ahaha.

Hm. What else is new...
Scholarly-wise.
I'm going to McMaster.
I accepted the day before the deadline.
The day after the deadline, I decided I'd rather go to Guelph.
Leave it to me to be THAT retarded.

Whatever. I'm sure I'll love Mac.
And if not, I can always switch after first year.
(And I will CRY if I lose any credits)

Mkay.
So that's it for now.
I'm going to try blogging every other day for 30 days.
(More, if I can)
I will also try to keep the Secret Page updated.
Hopefully I'll HAVE news for the Page, if you know what I mean.
C:

Okie that's it.
Byeee.

Just Kids in the Eye of the Storm.

2009-05-10T23:44:00.003-04:00

Okay. So my obsession increased dramatically around 10pm...
So I made a layout and stayed up till 3am.
That is healthy behaviour right there for sure.
This song... I don't even understand what it does to me.

Anyway, the coding is really sloppy and I'll try to fix it up later time.

Things are kind of retarded right now...
I'm probably going to secret page.
There's so much ridiculousness going on lately.
Like. People are retarded.
That is my conclusion.

Mhm.
I'm going over there now since I can't think of anything else to say.

You Set Fire to My Heart

2009-05-09T23:52:00.002-04:00

I have become unhealthily obsessed with my new songs.
I went on a crazy music downloading binge for the last day or two.
I've weeded out the bad ones, and found some really really amazing things.
I will sum them up, and maybe add them to my playlist... if I'm not too lazy.

No I in Threesome - Interpol
"through the storms and the lie, baby you stood by my side"
Beautiful song.
It's so sad and lovely.
I always loved Interpol... and this song.
I just forgot how amazing it was.

Daniel - Bat for Lashes
"you took me to the darkest place you knew and set fire to my heart"
This song is unbelievably good. Like. Amazing.
It's so serene and honest and urgent.
It's everything I feel.
Ahaha. It's about the singer's first crush: Daniel from the Karate Kid C:
I don't blame her. At all.
In the video she flings herself at a boy wearing the headscarf.
He looks suspiciously like the Karate Kid.
Cute♥

What's a Girl to Do? - Bat for Lashes
"I didn't want to tell him that my heart grows colder with each day"
I'm so addicted to this girl's voice.
'Daniel' is much, much, much better than this song, but the strange video slightly mesmerizes me, and I'm willing to listen.
It's a really haunted song.

Farewell to the Fairground - White Lies
"goodbye to this dead town, until the ice begins to thaw"
White Lies have definitely made their way into my heart.
Starting with 'Death' and 'To Lose My Life' they never cease to amaze me.
I think I have an obsession with British singers. These guys are amazing though.
I've also just gotten 'Price of Love' which has no video... so no link.

Live to Tell the Tale - Passion Pit
"I hope that I'll fall asleep knowing that you'll always be the story with no ending"
Passion Pit is adorable!
I first caught hold of them through a PSP commercial over Christmas, when 'Sleepyhead' was used in one of their ads. I was addicted to that song for the entire Christmas break. This song is a lot less manufactured. It's really raw and sweet and sincere.
It's fabulous. It just takes a couple listens to get used to.
I think all of my strange music needs a few listens, though.

There's a lot more. I'm just tired. It's late.
At least there's a samplage of what I'm listening to right now.

I'll have a realy blog entry soon.
I know this kind of died.
I'm sorry.
Kbye.

James

2009-05-01T09:38:00.003-04:00

So there was this guy I was friends with in grade 9 and 10. More so in 9 before he fell of the face of the earth, and returned with his act together.

He was in band and hated it.
But he always seemed to play perfectly.

He was in ski club with me too.
In grade 9, I was majorly antisocial and didn't know anyone.
But he snowboarded with me, anyway.
And was always really happy, even though I was really shy and awkward.

Grade 10, he showed up less and less to class... he hated music.
The days he did, he'd 'forget' his clarinet and sit alone.
A couple times I went and sat with him and made small talk.
He just didn't really seem there.

We had a falling out around then.

Grade 11, he got his act together. He was in co-op for army training. He had goals and plans. He seemed happy. I was happy he wasn't how he was in grade 10.

On April 28, he commited suicide.
And it seemed like it wasn't real.
He was so happy.
Always joking around, always smiling.

I don't really want to go into the feelings or the nightmares or the mess that school has been.
So.
Yeah.
I just wanted to get that out.
My mind is like. Fucked.
This helped. I think.

You just have to see her.

2009-04-24T00:25:00.002-04:00

And it starts...
sometime around midnight
or at least that's when
you lose yourself
for a minute or two

As you stand...
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano's this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
you haven't seen her
for a while

But you know...
that she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
she's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
she walks up and asks how you are
so you can smell her perfume
you can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
in your emotions
and all of these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind
of the curl of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined
and you feel hopeless, and homelss
and lost in the haze
of the wine

And she leaves...
with someone you don't know
but she makes sure you saw her
she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes
and when your friends say what is it
you look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
under the streetlights
and you're too drunk to notice
that everyone is staring at you
and you so care what you look like
the world is falling
around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

and you know that she'll break you
in two

This song is life.
The build up.
The feeling of losing everything.
The pain in his voice.
The desperation.
It's just...
where I am in life.

I don't even knowwww.
FML for sure.

This song.
Sometime Around Midnight - Airborne Toxic Event.
Life.

And um.
Major Tom (Coming Home) - Shiny Toy Guns.
Also life.

The Shiny Toy Guns one is from the Lincoln commercial on TV.
I heard it once and I instantly had to have it.
Ironically it was Shiny Toy Guns and I was already completely in love with them.

So I just played my last concert in high school forever.
Um. So I'm suffering depression and separation anxiety.
From my bandies.
I can't even imagine what life will be like without band geeks.
Today was allll hugs and tears.
I honestly never wanted to let go.

We should all just collectively pick the same university.
Mac is pretty good though.
There's a good bunch of us...
It's going to be ok.
I just gotta keep repeating.
It's GOING TO BE OKAY.

LOL. I don't think it's normal for people to love each other this much.
ESPECIALLY high school.
It's not supposed to be like this...

I'm sad now.
Listen to my songs.
Kbye.

If I'm a Fake, Then Come and Just Expose Me.

2009-04-12T22:32:00.002-04:00

So I definitely fail at keeping this updated.
I'm sorry I'm not that interesting anymore.
Or that I was never interesting to begin with?

Here's some quick updates on the last couple of weeks.

I dropped calculus.
Yes. I'm back to second period spare.
I love it.
No more agonizing head-spinning mathematics.
I now have extra time to up my functions and chemistry marks.

Which are already on a nice incline.
My current average is 84.
Which is not bad at all.
...Apparently it's still not good enough for Mac.

I might be okay with Guelph, though.
We. will. see.

So um. about the university thing.
I haven't heard back from anywhere...
Except for York.
...
FML.

Um.
NY in 4 days.
I'm so excited.
It's actually killing me.
My hopes are super high for this trip.
c:
We. will. see.

And I really can't think of anything else that I need to say.
So I'm gonna finish up watching Greek, and maybe a bit of Alice in Wonderland.
It'll be good. Laater.

Something Filled Up My Heart With Nothing.

2009-03-29T14:17:00.003-04:00

So.
In the summer, I was slightly infatuated with a show called Greek.
It seemed like it was going to be some really lame show with horribly snobby people ie Gossip Girl. Yes, I said it. Gossip Girl is lame. Aaanyways. I stopped watching it around the 9th or 10th episode because MuchMusic and CTV randomly dropped it halfway through the show.
LAAAME.

Recently out of boredom I found Greek on Tudou.com. I lovvvvve Tudou. I would learn Chinese just to figure out how to search for shows on Tudou.

I digress.

So last night I watched 2 episodes...
Today I watched like... 5.
I'm afraid for when they run out.
The crash after watching Veronica Mars killed me.
Reality actually bites.

Sooo. Yeah. Kind of in love with fictitious people again.
Cappie♥
He's actually perfect.
Um.
Yeah.

Watch Greek. It is loveee. Click!

So yeah. the only reason I'm not watching now is because the videos are loading ridiculously slow, which happens at random times... I'm guessing whenever people in China are watching the most.

I guess this means I should do chemistry homework.
:C
Laaater.

A brief look inside my mind.

2009-03-25T23:02:00.003-04:00

So I was really bored just now... and I found this gorgeous, breathtaking, prefection of a short film. I've watched it on loop for a while now.

I figured something out while I watched it.
This is what the inside of my head looks like...
If I were to try to explain what was happening in my head.
It would be this video, this music. Everything just fits.
It's kind of eerie... and I don't know how to better explain.
Just watch it. Maybe it will make sense?
Probably not though.

SCINTILLATION from Xavier Chassaing on Vimeo.

Okay. Maybe by watching this. I will make more sense... or maybe I'll just make less sense.
Either way. It's amazing.
Laates.

Blasts from the Past

2009-03-24T22:52:00.002-04:00

So. Before the traumatic death of my iPod in October, I copied and pasted my entire library of just over 1000 songs into a Word document. I was recently extremely bored and began to download some of the lost music.

Wow.
Some really intense songs that I have since forgotten about.
I think the reason that I love music so much is that every song becomes instantly attached to a moment, a person, a place, a feeling. Something. I'm pretty sure every single song I have has some kind of story that goes along with it...

So I started pulling the ones that were most important...
And then this sort of Soundtrack to my Life was born.
It's still under my heavy editing and intense scrutiny... but eventually I would like to post:
a) the playlist itself.
b) the edited, short explanations on here.
c) the in depth pour my life out into blog formation on the page.

I think it would help me remember important things.
My memory is so lame lately...
Which was always my intention for blogging... remembering.

So I'm going to try to scrape all of my memories into this soundtrack. I should have started this a long time ago. It would have been so much easier. Now I'm trying to recall my very fuzzy childhood... (seriously what the heck music did I listen to?) and piece together things I was all too willing to forget.

So that's my project for after midterms.
Right now I just have to get my act together.
Like, daaamn. Midterms.

Here are my premidterm marks (note that I have quizzes, labs, assignments and unit tests crammed in the next 2 weeks that can/will drastically change these stupid marks):

Music: 92
Religion: 88
Calc: 67 (Agh. Curse sickness)
Chem: 84
Functions: 78 (Agh. This is just my general laziness)

So um. Yeah. Calc doesn't actually count towards anything, so I'm not too worried about that. Functions I need up at least 6-8%. Chem I need up like... 2-4%. I would like to get Religion into the 90s... but... it's not necessary.

Yep. That's my life update.
I should do that daily thing that I did so well back in grade 11.
I occasionally forget I have a blog.
Even though it seems like I spend my life divulging waaay too much information on this thing.
Or at least, the page.

So yeah. I should go to sleep now.
Band tomorrow morning C:

FML

2009-03-17T16:26:00.002-04:00

Soooo...
About 1 or 2 months ago, I began to change my mind about Guelph.
I've been sort of wanting to go to McMaster.

And it's been more and more every day.
And theennnn.
I find out that the mark cut off for Life Sci has been changed.
It was 82-84... which is easy.
It is now 86-88.
F.M.L.

My average is currently 84.
I can get it probably at exactly 86... if I work my ass off.
Literally.
Goodbye friends.
Goodbye life.

Okay.
That is all.
I'm going to go do chemistry homework now.

You are a massacre, the masochist, the tease.

2009-03-16T00:38:00.002-04:00

I pick the most inappropriate times to want to scream.
I have the strongest urge to just yell. Loudly.
It's past midnight... but I still wanna do it.

So... it's been only 2 days of March Break... and now I'm kinda bored.
Yesterday... er.. Saturday... was fun C:
Matt's 18th birthday party.
I baked cake ^^
LOOOL. Too bad there were already 2 cakes...
But it was fun.
Rock Band. Me singing... and drumming.
In a very hot, tiny room.

I missed the group.
We hardly every see each other all together.
It's going to be so hard when we're all scattered all over the province...
and the States :C

Tomorrow is the night with the girls... so that will be something to look forward to. Today was just ridiculously boring. Like. Wow. I watched Disney movies.

Now I'm blogging at 1 am to distract my growing urge to scream.
LOL.
I really don't know why.
It's just so quiet... and dark.
And I'm listening to loud music in my headphones...

Okay so I'm going to continue searching for scholarships.
Yay. Later.

You're like iodine chasing all the storms away.

2009-03-13T21:41:00.003-04:00

Soooo. I celebrated the commencement of March Break with this extremely pretty new layout. It's crazy and silly, just like Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker songs. Seriously. Click the playlist. Be enlightened. USS is great C:

I also played the bass for a couple hours.
And Guitar Hero.

Today was a really good day.
Yeah.

Music band rehearsal in the morning.
I'm not half bad aaand I have a solo. Woot.

First period we had religion and just gossiped about stupid things with Ms Carraro and Ms Wade. LOL they are actually hilarious... and should not be discussing the things that they discuss with us. Then we got to go to music and play. again.

Second was calcc. I just sat and talked with Martin and Oliver and Rocco. Yeah... I need some girl friends >< Ahaa..

Thirddd... Functions. We did real work -.- I actually did my homeworkkkk! Ahaha. It was only because our teacher threatened to separate Anthony and I if I didn't. LOL. Anthony got mad... he doesn't want to sit with Steve. He was in my functions occasionally last semester. Ahaa. He's... an interesting person.

I don't have anything written about him... oddly... he used to invite me to random parties. I declined when he couldn't name anyone I knew going to cette party.

So then chem... we learned... I dropped to an 81.
Ew ><
I need at least an 85 to be happy.

Rawr.
Okay that was today.
I'm probably going to blog more. Now that it's pretty C:
Haha. Okay.
I'm going to go get started on the next layout.
Or just random stuff...
I missed Photoshop. A lot.

Haha k, later.

Let Me Hear You Crying Just for Me.

2009-03-03T21:03:00.002-05:00

So first night with no homework since the semester started.
Craziness.

Wow. I just put myself in the crappiest mood.
I watched Rory reject Jess in that intense finale... like... season 4?
I wanted to cry.
You know how creepy fangirls are for Edward Cullen?
Jess Mariano is DEFINITELY my Edward Cullen.
Which is probably a big fail on my part.
I'm sorry I love the flawed.

SO ANYWAYS... ahah.
My day was quite excellent.
I could really get used to doing nothing all day.

Religion. Religion is the new spare. We had a sub and I studied for my calculus test. And by study, I mean Janice and I had one of our intense heart-to-hearts.

Calculus. Testtttt. Ack. Calculus worries me. If it ends up being a mindfuck like Advanced Functions, I'm going to jump off a building soontime.

Chemistry. Oh wow. I'm doing organic chem. Which is like, YAY. Because I'm SO good at it. My mark also went up 15% after a test and a lab. So I'm at an 84 now... You can do the math and figure my abysmal previous grade. Anyway, in class today we blew bubbles of methane and set them on fire. Yay.

Functions. WOWWWWW. Funniest class of my life. It's a handful of grade 12s and 3/4 grade 11 AP. We had yet another sub, so Anthony and I did nothing. Like absolutely nothing.
And wow.
This was so dumb.
The sub was like... who's up to question 10?
Anthony raised his hand.
The sub was like... how are you done? All you've been doing is talking to your girl friend?
Anthony's like YOU KNOW WHAT! She's been my friend for like FOUR years ect. ect. and then he goes and our last names are side by side so I always end up sitting with her! It's like FATE!
And then the sub and Anthony continued to discuss our marital plans.
During this I am bright red and the entire grade 11 group is STARING at me. For a while I'm pretty sure the entire grade thought I liked him. Which was definitely not true... but WOW. SO AWKWARD.
And then... I don't even know. I think they started calling me an alcoholic?
It was sooooo funny. But like. I actually wanted to die. A little.
It would have been funnier if it wasn't me.

Ok. So that was today. I've got some juice for the Secret Page.
It's orange C:
Hahah the answer is yes, I've lost my mind.
Kbye.

If this is love, then I'm fucking proud of it.

2009-02-09T20:24:00.003-05:00

BLACK PANTHER is officially my life.
I dunno when I suddently became so infatuated with beats.
But it has happened.
Hey, I'm still listening to Metallica and Rammstein in between.
I'm an interesting one. I know.
Seriously. Let's all listen to Black Panter - Crystal Castles.
The world would be a better place.

Although... the song is about a mom who drowns her babies.
Hmm. Maybe this song isn't for everyone.

So anyway.
Who is everyone?

I'm crying over the possible loss of my spare.
This semester was supposed to be Music/Relig, Spare, Chem and Calc.
Nowww because of my/my teacher's failures in mathhematics, it might have to be: Music/Relig, Calc, Chem and Functions (again).

Nooez.
I luffff spare.
Seriously.
Homework and chill time are great.

And I'm doing pretty sweet in my classes, with only one evaluation for each class... I'm seriously loving how easy the material is. (Right now I'm bashing my head against wood). I won't let it get harder.

Hm. Anything new to report?
Not really.
Nothing I can say here, really.
All I can say is that I'm a bitch...
Of course, only to those who really deserve my bitchiness.

You know who you are.
I think.

Anyway.
I'm going to stop this now.
And continue with my chemistry studies.
I must continue being a big nerd C:
Laterrr.

Komm in mein Boot...

2009-01-30T23:39:00.002-05:00

I've been listening to Apocalyptica covering Rammstein... (Yeah, seriously. I'm now combining my addictions). They also BOTH cover David Bowie. Helden is actually one of my absolute favourite songs now.

Wait... this ISN'T why I was blogging.
Damn.
I need to get it together.

So BASICALLY I'm blogging because my semi vacation is over.

I've obsessively cleaned my room.
Cleaning makes me feel better about life.

I watched ridiculous amounts of paternity tests on Maury.
YOU ARE. NOT. THE FATHER... *bleeeeeeeep*
At least my life isn't that bad.

I've gotten my fix of the Sims 2.
I haven't played since the summertime.

I reorganized my non-existant religion binder.
Miraculously, it exists now.
I've got about 60% of the notes too.
I found them tucked in biology textbooks, shoved into math binders... and umm. under my shoes in my locker.
I rewrote those ones out.

I had dinner with the famm.

Basically I spend my mini vacation being a hermit.
I needed this though.
A little break from reality.
But I'm really not sure that I'm ready to be back yet.

I'm too afraid of fucking up my clean slate.

Exam Studies

2009-01-25T20:15:00.002-05:00

So it's crunch time.
I'm only writing this because I feel the need to share my retardedness with the world.

I've been calling oxytocin... oxycotin... as in oxycotton.
YAY FOR SELF-INDUCED DYSLEXIA!

This unit is from about a month ago... so for a whole month... I though 'oxycotin' stimulated milk production in women.

Wow.
And I thought my amusement from not being able to spell absorption was bad.
I spell it apsorbion, absorbtion... basically b's and p's give me a hard time.

Yepp. That's all.
Double exam in less than 12 hours.
Oh lordy.

It is inevitable. I am going to be a groupie.

2009-01-24T18:26:00.003-05:00

So... basically all I've been doing today is studying...
And dancing around my house to Basshunter.

I honestly thought I was done with my silly crush/obsessions with music/musicians.
I mean like... there have been a lot of them. Definitely. Because I need a break from studying, let's make a list, shall we?

Travis Barker and Mark Hoppus (Blink182, Plus44):
This was definitely the longest one. I think I planned on marrying Mark for a couple of years Grade 6-8... I think. Then... Travis Barker was my deep obsession for most of grade 9... and 10.

Till Lindemann (Rammstein):
I always kind of loved Rammstein music, but I never downloaded any until grade 11. This was probably my creepiest obsession. I loved them despite the fact that they scared me. And the fact that they're all in their 40s. Oh. I hate saying that.

Apocalyptica, Yes. All three of them:
So this was the one I just recovered from. Kind of. I still seriously love Eicca. He's actually adorable. I watched countless interviews of him and Perttu... Man, I wasted hours on that. They're all extremely attractive... and they're Finnish. I dunno what it is with me and foreign music.

BASSHUNTER:
Wow. So. I think he's gorgeous.
I can now sing the DotA song really well... in Swedish. And I've had it for 2 days.
He's the least old of all my obsessions. So that's probably a good thing. I mean if I'm going to creep someone. This makes it less weird *cough*. Ahahaa.
Oh and I should say that I hate the more recent stuff.. in English.
ESPECIALLY All I Ever Wanted and Now You're Gone. Listen to DotA and Boten Anna.
They are the Swedish originals. Muuuuch better.

So. This will probably last either a few weeks or a month.
Honestly.
It keeps me happy.
and happy is good right now.
I like being happy.

Vi sitter här i venten och spelar lite DotA.

2009-01-23T22:46:00.002-05:00

Okay so I had my German metal phase.
What about a Swedish eurodance phase?

I guess this one is a little more acceptable...
It's Basshunter.
Yep.
As in Z103's Now You're Gone.

Except I can't tolerate anything that he does in English.
It's gotta be Swedish. LOL.

For example, DotA. It's a song about playing Warcraft... so... yay?
But it's so cute in not English.

The redux in English, All I Ever Wanted...
Let's just say it's got as much substance as Now You're Gone.
And then a little less.

And the original Now You're Gone...
It's about a mod Bot in one of his games.
Then he finds out she's a real girl.
And he doesn't believe it.

So yes. I'm now in love with Eurodance music?
I know. When did that happen?

So anyway. I'm going to go continue singing Swedish music.
♫Vi sitter här i venten och spelar lite DotA!♪
Later =]

Can You Hear My Heart Beating Like a Hammer?

2009-01-20T16:31:00.002-05:00

Help, I'm alive.

Oh damn.
I really hope I get into university.
It's actually the only way I'm going to get through the next six months.
I need to know that I have a way out of this.
Drama in my life has reached unbelievable levels of 'WHAT THE FUCK?'
Now I just need to get through high school as quickly and painlessly as possible.

And all of the bullshit is keeping me from focusing in school.
Marks are slowly slipping into the O_O zone.

So, you see.
My point is.
I need a liferaft.
Right now it's my DVDs.
I'm escaping reality with Veronica Mars and the Gilmore Girls.
It's probably extremely unhealthy.
But it's keeping me from slowly dying from this mess that is my life.

I keep repeating.
Six more months.
I can get through this.
Six. More. Months.
That's half a damn year.

Well. Maybe I'll Secret Page later.
Right now I've got some serious math studying to do.
Arggh.

Later.

You Fell Out.

2009-01-12T22:38:00.002-05:00

So I fail at blogging.
Actually.

I've been too caught up in the dramatics.
Too busy living in my own head.

If I've learned anything over the last year. Blogging keeps me sane... ish. So let's do my usual traditional daily blog. Just for old time's sake. We'll see if this becomes routine again. We'll see.

So how WAS my day, you ask?

Today I got to school at 7:20am. That is 45 minutes of time to burn. I studied biology and printed out my music CPT. It's a six part band arrangement that I kind of love. I might upload it. If I feel like it latertime. It's tentatively named the Hero's Journey because I fail at naming things.

Usually I go with Bob. Somehow it didn't seem fitting.

So I made my class play my song in homeroom. Definitely a failll. Hm.

Bio I wrote a multiple choice quiz-test. It did not bring my mark back up. It didn't help me move at all.

Hmm.
Math was alright.
Today was the last lesson.
I have one test and the exam to bring my mark to a 70... it's sad that I can settle with that. Actually. It makes me want to cry.

I fell asleep in English. Twice.
Seminars are completely unable to hold my attention.

So that's my day.

I also went for driving lessons.
I'm a decent driver... but my instructor creeps me out. A lot.
I can't wait to be done.
Actually.

So it's 12. I should sleep now.
I'm really tired and have no idea why I stayed up this late.
Otay. Latertimes.

More Distractions

2009-01-11T20:21:00.002-05:00

I need to keep distracting myself.
I've managed to use school as a distraction. Pretty well, I think.
Now I've got to find distractions from school.

Simpsonize me!
Ever wondered what you would look like as a Simpson character?
I actually really wanted to know.
Click here to upload your photo and become a Simpson!

Face of the Future.
Age yourself. here!
This will also change your race, or make you into a cartoon.

MakeMeBabies!
Wowww. I heard these things existed... but I never actually thought I'd be bored enough to FIND one. I'm not sure how well this works though... So far all of my children are black. Created of course with Milo Ventimiglia and Travis Barker. I'm not creepy AT ALL. Click here.

Kay. That's all.
I'll have secret pagery tales probably tomorrow.
We'll see.

Humongous News!

2009-01-04T23:33:00.004-05:00

So today I went with out to Vaughan Mills (not for work, who knew?) and my brother was looking for an iPod Touch. We stopped into HMV for a quick look on the way out.

Of course, they were out... like everywhere else.

Out of boredom though, I checked out their Wii games.
All the usual crap was there. I complain loudly that they aren't making any good games... they're all about Dogz and Poniez now.

Something caught my eye.

Pajama Sam?!

Indeed. It was my childhood in a box. Humongous entertainment.
Don't Fear the Dark was the first Pajama Sam game I owned and now own again for my Wii.

After playing my new game for an hour or so (beating it. LOL I still remembered how) I Googled up Humongous and found out that the first installments of Freddi Fish and Spy Fox are also out for Wii. I found this news extremely exciting.

So, needless to say. I'm extremely happy that a piece of the 90s lives on.
After all, the kids need a break from taking care of there Poniez eventually.

Haha, later.

Distractions. Yay!

2008-12-29T18:53:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to make myself feel better.
Internet distractions are actually love.

HowManyofMe.com
Ever wonder how many people share your full name?
I did.
There are 4 people in the US that share the name Kristen Nakamura.
Know how I found out?
Click hurr.

Salad Fingers
I don't know why. But watching this on YouTube is making me feel better.
It scares the crap out of me, but at least I forget.

Jump The Shark
Since television has turned to crap these days. I like to vote on the exact moment a show was ruined for me. Click here

One Tree Hill was once my favourite distraction, thanks to a certain cousin that bought me the first season for Christmas. Although my life creepily became the main plot of the stupid show and everytime I try to continue watching, I am reminded of how crappy my life is becoming and tears usually ensue.

Yep.
So that's everything.
Enjoy my distractions.

My Love Bipolar.

2008-12-23T19:18:00.002-05:00

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS
Like a bitch, I would know
And you overthink
Always speak cryptically
I should know that you're no good for me

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(You) You don't really wanna stay, no
(You) But you don't really wanna go
Hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be
Just like twins, so in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh 'bout the thing
Now you're plain boring
I should know that you're not gonna change

Yeah. Who knew I listened to mainstream music?
It's on repeat because it makes me feel better about life.

Oh. And I kind of hate that I've come to my revelations during the break... because I need to talk to people... Need to SEE people.
I need to make my decisions.

So we had our parties.
Band geeks and otherwise.
All the pictures and videos are up on Facebook.
There's literally no point in my commentary because it's ALL there.
The only commentary needed is on the Page.

And I'm still freaking out about it.
Especially after the pictures.

So I guess that's it.
I'm only blogging because I'm bored out of my mind.
And I've been given too too much time to think alone.

Just like summer?
Only worse...
At least then we were in a fight...
And my favourite person was around to keep me happy.
Now I'm alone... with these thoughts in my head.

Garghh.
I'm going to go back to watching Rudolph.
It's only the greatest Christmas special.

Oh... and Mixwit is closing after the break.
Soooo. I have to find a different way to put up my music =[
That's saddening.

Kay I'm gone for real now.

Like stars burning holes right through the dark...

2008-12-18T17:42:00.003-05:00

So. My school is a big fail.
It has pretty much turned from a good school... to the ridiculous crap that has been happening lately.

So yesterday, we had a fire alarm in second period. It was freeeeezing.
We were out there a loooong ass time. Then we got sent into the gym. We found out there actually was a fire. All of us were in the gym and then, naturally, because boys are buffoons, fights started. Then our scary VP started SCREAAMMMING at everyone. He's like "I'm tired of this BULLSHIT!" LOL. I thought it was funny... It was around now that we found out that the fire was in the English wing.

Through my sources, the school's official comment, and so on... I've pieced this together. A grade 11 named Matthew Somethingerather sprayed the walls of the boys bathroom in the English wing with Axe. He then lit it on fire. Approximately $2000 of damage was done. Matthew was arrested and suspended from school (although we were promised expulsion by a very angry VP after shouting his profanities).

So then today, I was on my music trip... so this is all secondhand. But the facts are truth. Today at 11:00 a bomb threat was issued and a code black was initiated. Yes, code black was actually in effect. No one was permitted in or out of the building. Everyone had to sit on the floor and be quiet. I was texting all my friends from my music trip and basically screaming "dont die i love you, k?". There were a bunch of cop cars, the bomb squad (complete with guys in black with bullet proof vests and bomb sniffing dogs).

I don't have my official inside scoop yet. But I know that it was a girl and I know that she was caught. I don't know name, grade, why, or what is going to happen to her. I'm hoping she also gets arrested. Jesus. The young ones are so out of control.

So. That's how it's been this week.
Ridiculous.
I'm going to go study mathematics.

Our Skin Gets Thicker From Livin Out in the Snow

2008-12-16T23:55:00.003-05:00

My Christmas mix is up.
A lot of my Christmas classics: blink-182, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, No Doubt.
And of course the aaamazing new additions: PASSION PIT, the Raveonettes, and of course my loves the Main Drag.

that's all I gotta say, really.
My work schedule issss...
Monday: 5:00-10:45
Tuesday: 5:00-10:45
Friday (Beatdown Day): craaap. can't remember.
Saturday: 2:00-10:30

Yay. holiday work.
I think I might be quitting.
I know I say that all the time... but I really need to.
Like actually.
I got my tutoring gig, and it pays better...
So... yeah :)
But I kind of love StyleSense now.
I know. Weird, right?

Nights Filled with Longer Hours♥

2008-12-15T23:58:00.002-05:00

I probably titled something with this song already.
Now it's actually wintertime and the title actually applies.

It's such a cute winter song, I think I'll post all the words.

Winter taking days.
Nights filled with longer hours
...

Winter solstice
passing by us
temperatures dropping
try us
With colder feelings
Black ice and hidden lusts
White sheets of snow concealing
Gloves on hands, with warmer thoughts
With plastic sleds cracking the newly [chouse/inaudible]
Huddling against the walls
Shrinking college trends, with the days living faster now
We cast our make pretend
Extra heat amends
A rising constant power
Darkness taking days

Nights filled with longer hours
...

Gotta jagged gorgeous winter from a summer's thread
All the lies you told about me they were totally totally totally true
Thinking through the noise you go back to bed
With your tinker tinker torch gotta think it think it think it through
...

Drag it out
...

You see? Best winter song.
I have to make my winter mixtape soontime.
It's my quiet rebellion against common Christmas music.

Anyway.
I read this book in English that might have been written by me, if I was an old man that fought in World War II. It's called Slughterhouse-five and other than the time travel and the aliens, I could have written it.

It's choppy and random, and half the time no one knows what's going on.
At the end of his book though, there's catharsis and everything makes sense in the end.

I really hope my book ends that way.
That was a metaphor, in case you didn't pick up on that.
By the way, I'm an english nerd now.

Yeah. I'm bored. I talk to myself.
Soooooo.

You can probably guess by the length and the quality of this blog that I have a major assignment due.

It's true.
and I have work tomorrow, so I honestly don't know why I'm staying up sososososo late.
Kay. Sleep. Nowtime.

And Now We're Knee Deep in this Shit.

2008-12-10T23:34:00.002-05:00

God rest the souls of my desktop and iPod.
I have felt technologically deprived for almost a month.
My laptop has been a godsend.
I'm trying to wait out the iPod situation, at least until boxing day. But as we all know, music is my oxygen and I'm not sure how long I can do this for.

So updates.
I know it's been a long time since I blogged (other than those few schizophrenic blurbs on the Secret Page).
I'm up to my eyebrows (and yes, I realize that's not that high) in CPTs, seminars, math tests, and so on. I took today off after four consecutive nights of 3.5 hours of sleep.
This morning I woke up at 12.
It was amazing.

Hm. So after the last couple of weeks, I have vowwed to ignore any rumours or any other stupid things that happen... If it plays out like the last situation, I swear I will just jump off a cliff.
It'll be easier that way, honestly.

What else, what else?

Oh, I have apparently become so fascinating that I am attending/been invited to seven different Christmas parties/dinners.
Seven?
I swear. I didn't see that coming at all.
I'm turning into a socialite.
...
I don't know if I like that.
Whatever.
It's all good. They're all dry events though ;)

I guess that's a good thing.
We don't need a repeat of the last time.

Hm. Kay. I really should go to sleep nowtime.
Yeah. Definitely.
Bye.

Screamin' I Want My Money Back

2008-11-30T19:46:00.004-05:00

I'm back from Penn and Ohio.
We spent ridonculous amounts of money...
But the deals were GREAT.

I got a pair of Roxy runner flats for $10
A pair of mostly cotton leggings for $3
Two sweaters, three pairs of underwear, and a necklace at Aero for $40
Two tanks at Hollister for $20
...and a lot of stuff I can't recall at the moment.

I've been running on 'sleep whenever' which has been very confusing and extremely exhausting. 'Sleep whenever' has also lead to insanely bizarre dreams...
No exaggeration. They were WEIRD.

So. Mm. Yeah.
I booked off yesterday to go on my trip.
Instead, they gave me next Saturday and called me to complain that I didn't show up. Work is actually so ridiculous...

So yeahhh.
That's all.

You still love him
But she does too
She'll take him far
Away from you

Song of my life?
It's definitely You Still Love Him by White Lies.
And I'm wishing it would be Misery Business by Paramore.
Listening to it is SO rewarding.
I feel better about life. Completely.

Okay now that's all.
I just had to get that schizophrenic remark in there.
I've actually lost all hope for sanity, as my iPod and my computer died within a week of one another.
=[

I'll even take a knife to split a hair

2008-11-25T22:04:00.002-05:00

My life is a circle.

I'm back to my unfocused, distracted, mind-wandering, daydreaming stupidity.
I can't believe I gave up that easily.

I mean now that my head is in charge again, I realized yesterday was just... nice. I'm pretty sure that's all. I can't just dive off a cliff and assume there's water to break my fall (or a Jacob Black to rescue me when I'm drowning).

So. I'm just going to relax again.
I can't make a move.

So, anyway.
Today was a good day.

I aced my religion test. Julian tracked down a religion review for me and saved me from a definite faaail. I finished pretty early, for me, anyway. It was a lot less than I was worrying about.

Biology. I was SO FREAKING distracted. My mind-wandering was sooo horrible. I worked so hard to focus, but I really couldn't do it. I can't handle this damn day-dreaming and pondering. I'm going to fail school and live in a box.

I just had another zone out.
It's getting so bad.
I just start thinking involuntarily about everything.
They last longer and longer... I don't understand.

Like. Damn.
Anyway.

English was HORRID.
Allie and Ali were on their History trip and left me alone to defend in the back row. The back row wants me dead.

So... math was also gay. I talked with Lorraine and MADE Luca join us. It was fun, except we're going to FAIL tomorrow's test.

then I waited in line for Ski Club registration with Flloyd. So. Much. Fun. But, not really. It was half an hour until we got out.

Now I'm studying. Fun.
I'm going to sleep in 10.
Screw studying.
Rebel.

I Can't Help But 'What If'.

2008-11-24T16:43:00.002-05:00

My clarity and undrama lasted about... six days.
I'm still relatively undrama-ish.
But everytime something happens with us... it's like...

What if this is actually happening?
What if it's not just in my head?
What if this actually worked out okay?

And it's like.
DAMN.

I'm willing to fight for what I want...
But I can't initiate anything.
It's got to be from him first.
I won't be that girl.
The one I already feel like I am.

Anyway.

Today was interesting... I haven't blogged about my day in AGES.
A quick refresher: I'm taking Music/Religion, Biology, Math and English.

In music, we're writing our own songs... and parts for all the intruments. It's also known as crying, banging on the piano, endlessly counting out rhythms, chords, intervals, and transpositions, and more crying.

In biology, we have commenced a vastly interesting look into the urinary system.
Fun time for sure.

Math-hematics. We had review. This is my favourite class in which we make fun of Luca, tell him we stalk him, tell him we know about his sixth grade girlfriend, and he tells us stories... or calls us the brothel whores. I missed him... from grade 9. Of course, in grade 9 he was shorter than me and had a high voice. I'm still not sure if I'm used to his low voice and newfound 6 foot and change growth spurt.
Unfair.

English. Seminars. Sleep... and working on music. I don't think the presenters appreciated me humming to myself. Too bad.

Then I had council afterschool...
Elisha and I waited for the bus in the snow. For a long time.
He called me a whore.
Again.

And I should mention that I am very cold.
Extremely extremely cold.
The bus took a long time.
I'm still not warm.

That's all.

I Just Want Back in Your Head

2008-11-22T14:47:00.002-05:00

I'm definitely back in my head.
Listening to acoustic remixes, relaxing.
It's so much easier when everything is...
Focused.

I think I can continue writing about how my days go...
Instead of how I'm either in a really good mood...
or how I hate everyone and want to cry.

So yesterday night, I went out to Twilight with the girls.
I know... Kristen hanging out with a dozen other girls?
Who knew that it actually happened.

We went to Swiss Chalet Express (because every other place was packed) and saw scary Marrick... who used to molest me in Grade 11 Physics.

Then we arrived at the theatre at 7:30... and saw the movie at 9:30. Yes, we sat around on the floor and did silly things for 2 hours. But, we were first in line and snagged amazing seats.

My whole school was there. At least, the female half.

So exciting, we saw Twilight. We were all super excited because we are silly fangirls and not-so-secretly want to marry Edward Cullen. (I know I'm on the fence with Jacob and Edward... but they made Jacob so unattractive.. and relatively un-Jake-ish in the movie). They better change actors in New Moon.

What was suprising was how much I love Jasper.
He is always staring at YOU (yes, the audience) and it's so uncomfortable... but he's so beautiful. Damn. Obviously, Emmett was yay. But I always loved Emmett.

Overall, the movie was kinda rushed... but it's understandable. It's not really the book, but I still loved it. There wasn't enough Alice. She's the greatest... and she had... 2 lines? It made me sad.

I still loved it though.
I forgot how to breathe?
That happens a lot during Twilight.
It was awesome.

After Twilight... we crammed... a LOT of people into a car (not all 12, I promise). And we stalked someone... that apparently everyone loved at least once... except me? He's kind of stupid and I would have never seen him that way. LOL.

So yeah.
Superfun night.
I think I need girltime more often.
It's much less stressful that hanging out with boys.
The drama boys that I am slightly avoiding-ish.
It's all so much better.

Anyway, I'm off to work now.
Yay, Style Sense?
I'm actually going to be training the newbies?
I know, right?
WHAT THE HELLL.
Okay then. Later.

& if You Cry Out Loud, it Would Only Make Me Feel Too Good

2008-11-18T17:42:00.002-05:00

So I'm done.
Every fragment of drama in my life is going to be thrown out the window and taken out with the trash.

I know I say this a lot.
And we all know running from problems is my specialty.
But I mean it this time.

I can't focus.
I can't sleep.

There's too much crap going on for me to keep my grades up.
So my solution is to drop it all.
Completely be free of it.
I feel better just thinking about my clearmindedness.

I am going to go intensely study for Biology.
Then read The Scarlet Letter, hopefully avoiding the mind-wandering that occured the last time I picked it up.
I got through about one chapter.

I'm so afraid that I am not going to be able to get into university.
My marks are steadily decreasing...
As the problems around me are exponentially increasing.

Hence the birth of my drop-all-issues theories.

So that's it.
I'm done making problems.
Those girls can erase me from the equations...
Although the guys are definitely stupid if they pick/go back to them.
They're much too good, in either instance.

So that's everything.
I'm going to go bring them marks back where they should be.

YAAAY BIRTHDAYYY

2008-11-14T17:02:00.002-05:00

Yes. Today is that magical fateful day.
Twas on this day in history that the greatest gift to sex, and rock music was born.
TRAVIS BARKER.
(You didn't really think I was talking about me did you?)

It is also my birthday... a day that I am more than happy to share with my hero.
I promised to finish my 101. So. Before I do anything else. I shall post the final list. Here is my 101.

1. My name is Kristen Nakamura
2. I was born on November 14, 1991.
3. I'm left-handed.
4. I work at Style Sense.
5. My favourite subject in school is math.
6. My favourite books are the Twilights, but not Breaking Dawn... and the Uglies.
7. My favourite movies are comic book ones: V for Vendetta, X-men, the Dark Knight
8. My favourite food is french fries smothered in Swiss Chalet sauce. Mmm.
9. My favourite music is varied, but I'll address them all eventually.
10. I'm like a little kid in that I go through phases of deep obsession.
11. Strange music such as Rammstein, Crystal Castles, and Apocalyptica are all phases... that I haven't outgrown.
12. I'm allergic to cats... and chemicals found in Axe, and other gross perfumy things.
13. I get intense headaches from fragrances (sometimes ones that I can't even smell)
14. I don't eat beef.
15. Despite what people think, it's not because I feel bad for cows.
16. It's because it takes bad.
17. I'm getting bored now, and sleepy... my bedtime is 10.
18. I frequently stay up for no reason, even though I'm exausted if I stay up past 10.
19. But, I'd rather stay up late then get up early.
20. I'm a horrible morning person.
21. I read books a lot.
22. I usually read them in one sitting, because I don't know how to stop.
23. After reading the Boyfriend List in grade 10, I made my own 'Boyfriend List'
24. I updated it last year.
25. I plan on writing about it on my secret page (yes, juice).
26. I've been blogging for four years and four months.
27. I watch way too much television.
28. Shows I watch too much: Lost, Heroes, Grey's, Pushing Daisies, Greek, and Veronica Mars.
29. There used to be a lot more, but TV has reached an new level of craptitude since the writer's strike.
30. I'm so obsessed, I buy the ones I love and watch seasons over and over.
31. I watch X-men movies the same way, especially when I'm in a bad mood.
32. I also play video games way too much.
33. The Sims is one of my greatest addictions... and it scares me when I start to think of them as real people.
34. I play a lot of X-box 360.
35. This disturbs a lot of people.
36. Talking to boys about my video games actually blows their mind... Especially when I am KILLING them.
37. When I'm upset or mad, I bake, or play the piano, or lie on the floor.
38. I self-diagnose medical issues, and I believe I am disassociative, obsessive compulsive, and perhaps a little depressed.
39. I know it's silly, but I make wishes at 11:11.
40. I also pick up lucky 'heads-up' pennies.
41. If they aren't, I flip them over and leave them for other people.
42. I cry when I read people's PostSecrets.
43. I've played the flute for nine years.
44. The bass for one.
45. And I self-teach piano. And I'm not horrible.
46. Band is my life and music is my family.
47. I still have silly childish dreams of a music career.
48. The grown up in my head forbids it.
49. Sometimes I really hate the grown up in my head... telling me what I can't do.
50. I'm envious of the slack off kids that don't have the voice.
51. I don't have any plans for my future.
52. In grade nine, I wanted to be a web designer.
53. In grade ten, I wanted to be a pharmacist.
54. In grade eleven, I was set on being a doctor.
55. Before that, there was interior decorator, musician, painter, author... among things like ballerina and princess.
56. I worry about everything... and around exam time I am unable to eat for days.
57. I worry about diseases and germs. A lot.
58. I go to a Catholic school, where herpes is currently going around.
59. It's mostly in grade ten and eleven.
60. Not that I'm doing anything capable of contracting herpes.
61. Although within the last week, I've been called a slut, a whore, a prostitute, a porn star, a stripper, and a brothel worker(?) all by different people.
62. I have my G1 license.
63. I should have gotten my G2.
64. But I am terrified of driving.
65. I take the bus instead.
66. I pretty much know how to bus anywhere from Steeles to Gamble, andd from Weston to random places in Markham (around Woodbine-ish).
67. I take, on average, two busses a day.
68. I like to sing when no one is listening.
69. I like staying in my pajamas for a whole day, doing nothing but watch tv and surf the internet.
70. I'm bored of writing this. I think it will have to be left for another day.

I guess my 101th post will not see the completed 101 list.
I have better things to talk about... like why I haven't posted in so long.
I gotta put up my new layout... and get a toonnne done on the secret page.
I shall go do that. now.
Laater.

I Saw Stars In the Backseat of Your Car

2008-11-02T20:31:00.002-05:00

I told you it was love, but you don't wanna know the truth

MGMT is LOVE and music is my crack.
Soz anyway.

MY grades are continuing on their slippery slope of doom.
Midterm marks:
Music 93.
English 89.
Religion 85.
Biology 81.
Math 70.
OMG.
70?!

Uhmmmmmm. Crud.
I guess they're acceptable.
Except for math.
I know that I'll get into university with these marks...
But agh.
I know I can do so much better.

So.
StyleSense sucks.
I hate it passionately.
If it weren't for the people...
(And no, I don't mean the useless customers)
I would have long since stabbed myself with a stiletto pump.
No lies.

The people at my work are great.
Except for the manager that never lets me go home.
Although she IS letting me cut down my hours ridonculously.
Yay!
Now I only have to work 12 hours a week.
Thaaanks God.

So. I have to finish my 101 next post...
I'm too tired to do it now.
And I need a shower.
I smell of leather and shoe glues.
Gross.

Laater.

I Don't Want Sex, But You Give It

2008-10-23T22:59:00.002-04:00

Okay, so the title is really uncalled for... but WOW.
I fell in love with Crystal Castles again.
And that is like... my favourite line from Vanished.

So, moving on.
I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy.
That show is getting more and more high school drama-ish by the episode. It's gotten so bad that I can actually relate...

So I never noticed, but I'm Izzy. I put my heart and soul into everything, and every time something doesn't work out. I die a little. I care about everyone... even when it's completely uncalled for. Like how she is with Alex. I mean, that could actually be my life. The dynamic of the relationship. It's exactly the same as...

There's my Secret Pagery editage.

I used to think I more Meredith.
Miserable.
Seriously screwed up. Seriously.
I guess, I am, but now that she's got her McDreamy...
I just can't relate anymore.

McDreamys don't exit.
Just like Edward Cullens.

Ahahaha.
I just killed a Edward Cullen fangirl from typing that.

So yeah.
It's kinda on the late-ish side.
I gotta get my 101 done though.
This is my 99th post.

ONLY TWO MORE TILL THE 101.

27. I watch way too much television.
28. Shows I watch too much: Lost, Heroes, Grey's, Pushing Daisies, Greek, and Veronica Mars.
29. There used to be a lot more, but TV has reached an new level of craptitude since the writer's strike.
30. I'm so obsessed, I buy the ones I love and watch seasons over and over.
31. I watch X-men movies the same way, especially when I'm in a bad mood.
32. I also play video games way too much.
33. The Sims is one of my greatest addictions... and it scares me when I start to think of them as real people.
34. I play a lot of X-box 360.
35. This disturbs a lot of people.
36. Talking to boys about my video games actually blows their mind... Especially when I am KILLING them.
37. When I'm upset or mad, I bake, or play the piano, or lie on the floor.
38. I self-diagnose medical issues, and I believe I am disassociative, obsessive compulsive, and perhaps a little depressed.
39. I know it's silly, but I make wishes at 11:11.
40. I also pick up lucky 'heads-up' pennies.
41. If they aren't, I flip them over and leave them for other people.
42. I cry when I read people's PostSecrets.
43. I've played the flute for nine years.
44. The bass for one.
45. And I self-teach piano. And I'm not horrible.
46. Band is my life and music is my family.
47. I still have silly childish dreams of a music career.
48. The grown up in my head forbids it.
49. Sometimes I really hate the grown up in my head... telling me what I can't do.
50. I'm envious of the slack off kids that don't have the voice.
51. I don't have any plans for my future.
52. In grade nine, I wanted to be a web designer.
53. In grade ten, I wanted to be a pharmacist.
54. In grade eleven, I was set on being a doctor.
55. Before that, there was interior decorator, musician, painter, author... among things like ballerina and princess.
56. I worry about everything... and around exam time I am unable to eat for days.
57. I worry about diseases and germs. A lot.
58. I go to a Catholic school, where herpes is currently going around.
59. It's mostly in grade ten and eleven.
60. Not that I'm doing anything capable of contracting herpes.

I'll start at 61 tomorrow... or whenever.
It's Friday tomorrow.
So definitely Friday dinner♥
I'm not working, so I'm happy.
Anyways, later.

All Those Lies You Told About Me, They Were Totally, Totally, Totally True.

2008-10-22T17:44:00.003-04:00

I love that song.
Wow. Addiction.
It's from Rock Band 2 and I'm not even sure what it's called. But it's amazing.

Anyway...
I'm adding even MORE people to my OMGYAYGUELPH list.
Marc is coming toooo!
He's going for zoology and I'm so super excited.
Some of my absolute favourite people are going to be with mee.

I'm actually so happy.
I should really be studying...
I shall finish this laterr.

Okay. I am le back.
I've studied a bit...
Talked to people more.
I'm feeling okay about this test.

Better than that horrendous English summative.
Let's just say I'm really, really, really glad I was getting 95.
Aanywho.

I really can't think of what else to write.
Perhaps I should continue my list.
I stopped at 18.

18. I frequently stay up for no reason, even though I'm exausted if I stay up past 10.
19. But, I'd rather stay up late then get up early.
20. I'm a horrible morning person.
21. I read books a lot.
22. I usually read them in one sitting, because I don't know how to stop.
23. After reading the Boyfriend List in grade 10, I made my own 'Boyfriend List'
24. I updated it last year.
25. I plan on writing about it on my secret page (yes, juice).
26. I've been blogging for four years and four months.

Okay I'll start at 27 next time... I gotta go shower... and watch TV.

Let's Make Love... And Listen to Death From Above

2008-10-18T18:22:00.003-04:00

LALALA CSS is so funny.
"I can tell how you feel when I look in your pants..."
Silliness.

I'm really sorry to neglect the blog...
But school is actually getting ridiculous.
Aand I called work back and they gave me shifts after apologizing profusely for forgetting about me. LOL.

So work actually isn't that bad.
I made friends =3
And I am refered to as 'new girl'
LOL.

It also helps that I did NOT work today...
The worst day... EVER.
The store is actually atrocious.
I was apparently supposed to work today, though.
Although on the board it only said Sunday.
I hate how unorganized EVERYTHING is.
Our 'lounge' is a room of mismatched shoes.
Fu-un.

Anyway.
I think it's about time I begin my hell week rant.
I have 5 tests next week.
Two on Monday.
and Three. Yes, THREE. On Thurday.
It is because it is 'midterm' and the teachers are trying to cram in tonnes of marks before it's too late (Friday). Way to procrastinate and put them the day before.

Ew school.
I don't even have any goals anymore...
At least I know sciences... but... THERE ARE SO MANY SCIENCE PROGRAMS.
Anything Physics and Space and Engineering-ish are out (Other than those first few Physics courses, I will NOT be taking it)
Biolology. Probably.
Chemistry is good too.
But there are half a dozen courses relating to both.
And people are making fun of me for planning on taking general biology.
I'd probably make fun of me too... if I wasn't about to cry.

So yes.
I wish I had time to go into detail about my days like I used to.
It was much funnier... and a lot less of me reflecting on how seriously crappy everything is turning out.

Boo.
I think I shall go study...
So I can go to university.
Without a plan.
Joyous.

Hiding Like Ghosts Under Rocks...

2008-10-14T23:06:00.002-04:00

So school-wise, everything has fallen completely to crap.
Ohhai.
I forgot to apologize for not blogging.

Anyways, back to the craptitude of grade 12.

Math is actually wtf.
I'm getting 74?

Religion, I am achieving a solid *cough* 83.

Biology, I'm quite impressed with my 84...
I'm above most. Third in my class =]

English and Music are on the steady incline.
91 and 92.5 respectively.

That brings my estimated average at...
84.9

OMGAHHHH.
-cries-

So I guess McMaster is OUT.
For shuree.

Anyways.
Hm.
What can I talk about that isn't Secretpagery?

We got our yearbooks.
I love yearbook signing.
It's actually such a fun hobby.
We passed them around our music class...
And I'm sure everyone has heard me gush about how music=family.
Some of the signage gave me warm fuzzy feelings.
Some (aka Elisha's song) should have been kept to themselves.

LOL.
I have some secretygoodness..ish.
It has little to do with me.
Well, little...ish.
Most of it is my circular of friends.
Or... not friends?

Okay, I'm done being cryptic...
But I really have to do it tomorrow.
It's already 11.
And I have reading to do.

Night.

Future Crises and Panic Attacks

2008-10-06T19:13:00.002-04:00

When did life get like this?
Today I experienced one of my most intense panic attacks.
I couldn't breathe.
I hate how stupid and hard life gets.

I've been studying nonstop for my biology test...
I'm so scared to fail.
Not just this test, but this year.
My average is 87... and what pisses me off is that I know I can do better.

So I just took a breather, playing the piano...
And I noticed a file in the filing cabinet, labeled U of A.
Medical school files.

I pretty much immediately sat cross-legged and poured through everything.
As much as I feel like I will never make it in...
I still really wish it were possible.

I read my dad's acceptance letter...
I cried.
For so many reasons I guess.
For one, I'll never see my name on one of those...
And the other was that I couldn't talk about it with my dad.
The last is that...
I had to learn about my dad through official documents and transcripts.

It seems so impersonal, yet...
I learned more that way than I ever did when he here.
More regrets I guess.

This is intense...
I'm debating a switchover to the Secret Page...
But I think I'll leave it.

It's about time people actually knew.
Although... I doubt too many people ACTUALLY read this.

Hm.
So yeah.
There's my 'finding myself' moment for the day.

I'm so... agh.
I gotta go continue memorizing the Krebs' cycle
and Electron Transport Chain.

Excitement.

Roar.

2008-10-02T22:54:00.003-04:00

School and work are taking over my life.
I no longer have time to blog in any kind of regularity.

I need to dust off the secret page... juicy stuff. Definitely.

I've always wanted to do a 101.
That horrendously long list of 101 facts about yourself.
I'm curious as to what I would say.

I'm going to start it now... and see what number I get to before becoming bored and wanting to go to sleep.

1. My name is Kristen Nakamura
2. I was born on November 14, 1991.
3. I'm left-handed.
4. I work at Style Sense.
5. My favourite subject in school is math.
6. My favourite books are the Twilights, but not Breaking Dawn... and the Uglies.
7. My favourite movies are comic book ones: V for Vendetta, X-men, the Dark Knight
8. My favourite food is french fries smothered in Swiss Chalet sauce. Mmm.
9. My favourite music is varied, but I'll address them all eventually.
10. I'm like a little kid in that I go through phases of deep obsession.
11. Strange music such as Rammstein, Crystal Castles, and Apocalyptica are all phases... that I haven't outgrown.
12. I'm allergic to cats... and chemicals found in Axe, and other gross perfumy things.
13. I get intense headaches from fragrances (sometimes ones that I can't even smell)
14. I don't eat beef.
15. Despite what people think, it's not because I feel bad for cows.
16. It's because it takes bad.
17. I'm getting bored now, and sleepy... my bedtime is 10.

So, I'll continue at 18 when I feel like it... then one day I shall post them all together. It will probably be my 101th entry. (I'm on 94, in case you were wondering).

That is all.
Later.

Your Sex is on Fire!

2008-09-30T17:55:00.002-04:00

I'm so addicted to this song.
It's Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon.
It's pretty awesome...
and I like that he yells, 'your sex is on fire'.
=]

So... I'm supposed to be doing a biology lab...
Hence the fact that I am blogging.

I'd just like to give a quick academic update.
My entire way of life has been completely fuuucked.

I got the top mark on my English essay...
And my teacher wanted to keep it to show off to other teachers on the board... and when he instructs new teachers on how to grade.

It's unbelievable, right?
I've never done well in English.
Ever.

Grade 9: 73
Grade 10: 80
Grade 11: 73

Indeed, some of the ugliest marks in school... ever.

Which brings me to my theory...
Blogging makes you smarter!

The only thing I've changed (other than reading a bit more) is blogging in proper English. When I started in grade 9, my blogs were disgusting and pretty much impossible to read.

So, I suggest everyone who fails with words should blog.
And blog well.

You could end up with a 95% in English.
Like me =]

This leads me to my next point.
I used to be gifted in math.

I just failed a math quiz.
What??!

My life has completely been altered.
Aand.
I've lost interest in writing this.

I think blogging might also cause ADD.
Or at least, the Internet does.

Bye.

Kids.

2008-09-28T14:14:00.002-04:00

I apologize in advance for the crap that I've posted on the Secret Page. It's really stupid. Except for the stuff about Thursday. That stuff is stupid, but not my fault.

I'm supposed to be working (big surprise there).
I don't want to.

I watched this yesterday, as I was hunting for music and watching Apocalyptica videos (Yes, I've gone beyond obsessive with them).

It's a music video for the song Kids by MGMT and it actually made me want to cry. It's so cute and fun, but at the same time I get it. Ah, just watch it.

Kids - MGMT

It's amazing.
I love it.

Aaanyways.

I should probably go and write my English essay, finish up my lab report, work on the insane amount of Bio textbook questions, and learn the entire math chapter.
I hate how I always leave everything till Sunday.

Although, my procrastination issues aren't nearly as bas as they used to be... which is why I'm ending this. Now.

The Best Religion Retreat in School. Ever.

2008-09-23T15:45:00.002-04:00

Wow. Internet ADD kicked in before I could even start.
I'm so in love with Apocalyptica, it's ridiculous.
Here's one of my favourites: One (Metallica Cover) - Apocalyptica

They are my heeeeroes.
For sure.

Aaaanyway. Today was actually really enjoyable, despite it being a religion retreat. Before we get all judgemental, I usually do not enjoy these silly religion retreat days. I think they are pointless in we spend the whole day talking about nothing...

This time it was just our Religion/Music Class. 19 people that I love =]
We've been in the music program together for 4 years and so no one is uncomfortable with one another and our silliness is not judged.
Let's just say there was animal noise contests and other reaaaaallly dumb stunts.

Kay. Thenn... we ate real food. Like. None of the gross pizza they ordered us all the years before... someone cooked for us ^^

After that was the frightening fussball game. SOME people were getting a little too involved and scared the scorekeeper (myself) and anyone else that happened to see the intensity of that game.

Then trust issues game. The retreat leader was like "Okay pick someone you trust to be your partner". Elisha looks over at me and asks if I wanted to be his. I'm like NO THANK YOU. All I could think of is that falling thing where the other person has to catch you. He would not be the type to do that. So I picked Janice... who I don't trust with important things... but she'll do. =]

I was definitely wrong. We had to be blindfolded and guided through many forest trails and so on. Janice guided me through pokey bushes, and straight through about two others. I got soo much seeds and leaves and crap on me. It was hilarious when I had to lead her... although I am a much safer leader.

We did some prayer type things and reflections, but it wasn't like boring or awkward. It's days like this where you know... music is family.

I really will miss everyone.
Maybe the university switch will be harder than I though.

Aanyway.
I've got to get all my homework done.
For tonight and tomorrow night.
Because I start work tomorrow =]
Haha later.

You're Living Someone Else's Dream.

2008-09-18T17:16:00.003-04:00

Hai.
Today was reckoning day.
I had two tests that, in my mind, determined whether I was going to pass or fail two classes. Of course, that wasn't completely the case... but if I think that way, I'll manage to do better.

I studied last night, the ENTIRE night.
I took a 20 minute break to watch America's Next Top Model makeovers... but then I was working again.

I studied for Biology for 4 hours, and felt like I knew everything. I was so ready for that test, but I spent all my time studying for Biology and none for Math. Oops.

So today, I took Bio... OMGSHWHY?! It was sososo hard.
My favourite part was when we had to identify the water molecule. YESSS THREE MARKS!

Then... Math.
I'm almost positive I got perfect.
WHAT IS THIS?
Is the moral of the story, "do not study, because you'll do better if you don't"?
That makes no sense.

So, other than that today was dull.
OH.

TALES FROM THE BUS.
It was actually the funniest bus ride of my life.
The bus drivers did their usual swap, and then our new driver complained about how stupid the switch was (we agreed) how stupid the people are at our school for running in the street (we also agreed) then... she went off on some strange tangent about how all kids in high school think about is asking out boys. Elisha (who is a boy) did not seem to agree on that one. Then she started talking about peeping toms and stalkers... and how girls can be stalkers, too. (Janice and I are proof on that point.)

We decided that from now on, we will request our drivers to be sober. Yes... that would be nice.

Yep, that was an adventure.

I should also say that I got my first real job.
It's at Style Sense, and I'm super excited.
All day I will be surrounded by my two favourite things: shoes and purses.
Who could ask for a better job? Seriously.

So Many Men Who Would Have Loved You More.

2008-09-16T19:47:00.002-04:00

Cath by Death Cab for Cutie.
The video gives me butterflies and sad thoughts.
What's even more pathetic is that in my head it's Bella, Edward, and Jacob.
You know, because in my mind, Breaking Dawn NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED.

Aanyways.
I haven't blogged in forever.
Recently I have...

Visited Guelph with Janice and my mom.
We got rained on. Fun.
I'm pretty sure I'm set to go there...
As long as I get into the non disgusting residence.
I would much prefer the cute townhouses that are reserved for upperclassmen.
I'll just have to not flunk out my first couple of years.

School...
I'm getting a handful of marks back.
I am rocking math and music with 90s.
English, high 80s... which is like AAAMAZING.
I mean, I fail at English, so...
And the current 'ew' mark is Bio.
I'm getting mid-70s.
It's only because I failed a lab quiz.
It will be worth nothing by the end.
Without it I am getting 88.
Soo. I have the potential for a good semester.

Yep.
So other happenings... hm.
Oh, I have a headache that has lasted for 4 days and refuses to subside to any of the numerous brands of painkillers I have tried.
I went home early yesterday to try to sleep it off. No luck at all.

Friday I went to Promenade.
More on that on the Page.

Okay. I think that's it.
I'm going to go ramble on the Page for a bit and try and clear my head. It's very, very full.

Bai.

A moment that is frozen as we hang in time.

2008-09-09T17:07:00.002-04:00

Hai.
So wow. I realized I haven't done any of my usual walkthroughs of my day. That's like. The way I've blogged... for four years. It must be done.

Here goes.

Musique:
We played this new piece. It's got a solo part and a band part. All of us had to pick two friends and have us take turns playing solo with the others accompanying. We have to stand up and play as our little group of three on Thursday. Ick. I can sorta play it. Hopefully I can play super quiet and no one will hear me fail. What the heck is dotted eigth-sixteenth anyway?

Biolology:
Not so much 'lol' this year. I sit with Chelsea. So it's more study and therapy sessions than goofing off and doing nothing (aka last year). On a "yay" note, we have a test today, and I'm pretty sure that I got 98. I only made one small stupid mistake. Gur. Stupid hydronium.

Mathematics:
-Headdesksmash-
Mr. K! Teach me grade 12 pleease!
How about we continue the tradition of not talking about math? It worked well in Grade 9.

English:
I love this class.
My teacher is really funny.
And... What's this?
An English teacher that knows how to teach?!?!
My entire universe just shifted.
We're currently watching 12 Monkeys and learning about post-modernism. I am so post-modern with my randomness, my obsession, my sporadic thought patterns, I should be taught in Grade 12 English.

So. This concludes my school day.
I guess I should mention that YRT has cleaned itself up... ish.
I've given up on trying to figure out when the 83 shows up. Today it showed up, circled around Bathurst and Shaftsbury, then came back and picked me up.
The 4A, to my pleasant surprise, has been commissioned to arrive in between every 4. Basically, I never have to wait more than 15-20 minutes for a bus. (Today I waited 5 minutes)

So yes. I'm slowly getting used to school. I'm kind of impressed that I'm keeping up in all of my homework. Even math. Yeah, I know. First time in... the history of my life that I am doing math.

I guess I should sum this up. I have a Biology prelab to do.
Sigh. I've already finished an hour's worth of math homework.

The Killer in Me is You

2008-09-06T19:17:00.002-04:00

So yeah.
Blogging twice a day is hard.
I think I might Secret Page like...
Once a week at most.
It's silly going there so often.
I'll try to blog almost daily.
I don't know how long I can keep that up though.

Apparently teachers actually expect work done.
Yeah. I'm actually doing the work too.
It's crazy.
Pretty much unheard of.
Kristen is doing her math homework.
Seriously.
That wasn't meant as a joke.
Now that I don't have Mr. K...
I'm pretty much teaching myself.
I'm bad to the super amazing *cough* teacher from grade nine. I'm curious to see if I have anything about her from my archives.

Nada.
I have memories of her, always smiling while angry.
And eavesdropping on conversations.
Oh, and she can't teach.
I got a 74?

Then grade 10 and 11 with Mr. K, 93 and highest mark in the class.
Hm.

I admit I wasn't working as hard, but it was only because I hated her class.

I've lost interest in writing today.
I'm going to go complain about the craptastic YRT service, and hope it gets fixed.

Everything Has Fallen Back as it Should.

2008-09-03T16:12:00.003-04:00

Mr. Wong is the best guidance councellor ever.
I mean, if you want to learn anything about university, good luck... but if you want your schedule completely scrapped for no good reason... He is the best.

My previous schedule:
1. Music/Religion
2. Advanced Functions
3. English
4. Chemistry (FRANCIOSA AGHHH!)
(Semester 2)
1. Music/Religion
2. Biology
3. Comm Tech (11)
4. Calculus

My OMGYAY schedule:
1. Music/Religion
2. Biology (with CHELSEAAA~)
3. English
4. Advanced Functions (with ALLIEEE!)
(Semester 2)
1. Music/Religion
2. Spare (WITH JANICEEE~)
3. Chemistry
4. Calculus

So. Every class I have at least one friend now.
Unlike my lonerish ways in the other classes.

Anyway, I guess I will comment on my day later.
I'm itching to play the Sims.
I didn't get around to it yesterday :C
School is getting in the way of happytime.
Seriously.

I'll probably Secret Page today, too.
Before all this drama catches up to me.
More soonish.
Baii.

The Last First Day Of High School.

2008-09-02T16:50:00.002-04:00

Wow.
Just.
Wow.

I can't believe it's here.
The last year.
Unbelievable.

Wow.. There's so many silly new children.
They scream and squeak and squeal and I hate them the most out of all the years of niners.

My schedule.
Fuck my life. It's actually the worst thing ever. The classes wouldn't have been that bad. But I've got the worst teachers. I shall commence my traditional new semester rant and whininess.

Music/Religion = Yay.
Allie and Janice are in my class.
CHELSEA ISN'T!
OMGWTF?
So that was a little sad, but not the end of my life.

Math.
Math was also alright.
I sit with Cuda, but apparently he wants to leave me.
Janice, Melanie, and some of my math buddies from last year (NOT CREEPY PERV, as Reid so thoughtfully pointed out) were also in my class.
Julian made a comment about another person in our class.
He's not funny, though.

RAWR. My Internet ADD is preventing me from writing.

Next was...
English.
WHAT TEH FUCK?
I walk in and like... it's ALL girls.
ALL girls that don't talk to me/Don't like me.
Hm. If it weren't for Julie, my new friend in all my classes, I would have cried in a corner.

Then to finish my day...
Oh yes, best for last.
CHEMISTRY WITH FRANCIOSA.
NUUUUUUUUUU.
Refer to any of my entries concerning grade 11 chemistry and you shall learn why I cry. Except this time, Melanie, Martin, Martin, Rock and Elisha aren't around to dull the pain. Just me and Julie, listening to the droning that I remember all too well. Many condolences have been given, but they don't ease the trauma.

So that concludes my overall craptastic day.
I booked my guidance appointment to get this horrible situation straightened out. Chelsea told me her schedule, and I'm going to get what she has. She has generally the schedule I want, so it will hopefully be easy to get into her classes.

Tales from the Bus:
I HATE YRT. They go out of their way to make my life miserable.
Last year they didn't bother showing up the first week of school. This year.. yeah they had to do even better. Elisha and I run out... just like every day in 11. The 83 comes at the normal time (Here's me thinking I'm going to get home in good time). We're sitting in the back as usual, and the driver like, "We need to use the bus somewhere else. Get out and another bus will come and get you". Okay lady.

So we get out and wait. And wait. the 450 North comes. The huge crowd piles on. We wait. We got on some random bus that goes through all kinds of areas that takes Elisha home. I have to walk a while. Fine. So I walk. As I am walking down Trench, the damn 4 bus drives by as I am sprinting at it. Gee, thanks blind bus driver. Then for some reason, the next one didn't come for an hour. Also nice.

Gur.
My day was crap.
Stupid school.
Stupid senior year.
Well, actually, it is fun getting to the front of every line.
SENIORRRRR~
Hahaha.
I'm a bitch.
Whoopee for me.

So i guess I'll secret page today or tomorrow.
Stuff is accumulating and clogging up my head.
Gotta get it out soon.
It's healthy, I think.

Anyway.
I'm outta hurr.
Math and English await.
Joy.

Kristen is not a party girl.

2008-09-01T18:59:00.002-04:00

Ew it's September.
WHY?

Actually I kinda want to go back to school.
I like being distracted from thinking with forceful math problems, science concepts and *shudder* English essays. At least it keeps my head busy. It doesn't give me time to think about other things.

It was Dillon's birthday party thing on Saturday. It was fun. I won people's money in poker, while slightly, SLIGHTLY incapacitated. I also made cupcakes.

Then this weekend was Wasaaaga.
It was the first time Olivia and I were up there at the same time. We played bocce, we watched fireworks, and then Olivia and I gossiped and planned some cottage redecoration until some ridiculous time. I read a lot while I was up there, too.

So this was my 'going out with a bang' I guess.
Summer is over, and that makes me oh so sad.
Time seems to move faster and faster.
It scares me.

Anyway,
I'm going to Secret Page some stuff later.
Right now, I plan on playing Sims...
Because I'm definitely not going to have time once school starts.

Sigh.
Goodbye, summer 2008.
Hullo hardest, stupidest year of high school.

Like looking through a fogged mirror...

2008-08-28T19:13:00.003-04:00

It's the final four.
The final four days till I have to get back to the real world.

I'm not going to lie.
I do want to get this year over.
It's just like ripping off a band aid.
Get this done, and it's university.
Get this done, and no more high school stupidity.
Get this done, and you're free.
(Not to mention, no more English class)
OMGYAY.

Am I losing anything? anyone? I probably am, but the group is pretty much dead. Our seemingly every other month excursions feel like kicking a dead horse.

I know people always say they'll call their friends and stuff from high school... I didn't even keep that promise to my middle school friends. My best middle school friends.

So I guess I'm prepared for that?

Anyway, speaking of middle school...
I've been poking about Facebook, and it kinda scares me how much people have changed. I mean, I've changed (Thank goodness), but it's just scary knowing time didn't stay still. Like, the way I remember people... It's all just memories. It also disturbs me that all this time has passed.

It's times like these that I'm really, really happy I blog.
I get to have a chance to slow it down, even if it's only for a second. I read it and it's like I'm that me again... Worrying about that same trivial thing. (And yes, I realize that the things I worry about now are just as stupid and trivial).

So anyway, enough reminiscent sappiness from me.

I'm going to say one last thing.
MGMT!
Awesome, Awesome, AWESOME music.
Even if they are extremely heavy on the hallucinogens.
They still make me happy.

Kay, I'm done now.

The Music's Run Out.

2008-08-27T18:45:00.002-04:00

I haven't heard any new music in over two weeks.
I'm feeling slightly disturbed by this.
Hm. I shall find music ASAP.

So today was actually interesting.
We drove out to Guelph to check out the university.
I love it.
I haven't been inside anywhere yet, but I love the town.
The university also looks pretty amazing, too.
We've booked a tour next Saturday to officially look around.

After that, we went to African Lion Safari, which was also so much fun. The baboons made my life. They were sitting on people's side mirrors and staring at the drivers intently. We rode in the bus of course. My mother would never take our car.

So then we sat in 2 1/2 hours of traffic, when it took us only an hour to get there.
Hm. So that was annoying.
Especially when the GPS is like...
ONG UR NOT LISTENING STAY ON THE 401 PLZ.

So I guess it didn't ACTUALLY say that, but it kept trying to make us get back on it.
So yes, that was my fun day.
I'm going to go sleep now, since my nocturnal patterns have been completely messed up. We woke up at 9:00. Yes, ew.

K. Sleep now.
Bye.

New Layout♥

2008-08-26T17:08:00.003-04:00

I finally got around to making a new layout.
This one only took 4 hours.
Hehe. Only.

I started out working on the camp website that I've been hired to do. (So don't even nag on me to work on it). I'll get that done in due time... And by due time, I mean in a few months.

Yes, I'm a procrastinator.
Sue me.
I've got a pretty layout.

Ahah.
So. Hm.
What has happened with me?

I went to Wonderland with my cousins from B.C.
We had so much fun.
BEHEMOTH again!
And then of course all the other rides.
Then we played Tanks,
Because we're addicts.

My other cousin was here from Nova Scotia.
He stole my mattress, and I got to sleep on the couch in the basement, staying up till ridiculous times watching episodes of renegadepress.com and Instant Star (Wow, yes, I probably didn't mention that yet).

Instant Star, is another... ANOTHER new show.
It sounds insanely lame, and I used to make fun of it a lot...
But I kinda like it.
It's got the same semi-cheesy Degrassi and Renegade drama.
And wow.
Tommy Quincy.
That definitely helps. A lot.
Between this and Renegade...
Let's just say it's all of my summer television.
Oh, and Jon and Kate Plus 8.
Other than this, I don't watch television.

So okay.
You're pretty much all caught up in my super extravagant summer break.
Oh, I've started running again.
With music, running is amazing.
I strangely missed it.
Wow... Fitness class really messed with my mind.

Anyway, I'm going to go find a snack...
And get away from my computer.
Bai.

Roman Catholic choirs are singing...

2008-08-19T16:49:00.002-04:00

I'm so bored.
Without school or anything, I have nothing to do.
I'm going slightly insane again...
I've been given too much time to think.
It's not good.

I've been making icons on LiveJ0urnal...
Which is fun.
They're for Twilight of course.
LOL.

I need a hobby.
I *should* be coding the ASL website...
But I'll leave it for tomorrow.

I forgot the point of writing this.
Huh.

Oh! There was secret pagery stuff, but now it seems pointless.
I don't feel like writing about it.
BYE!

Stupid Form Thingie.

2008-08-18T00:43:00.002-04:00

1. How late did you stay up last night and why?
I passed out between 3:30 and 4 watching Across The Universe

2. What was the first thing you thought when you got up?
Where am I? (I passed out in the basement)

3. Who were you with Saturday night?
Hm. I was with Edward Culled in my mind.
It was awesome.

4. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
LOL.
It's extremely unlikely.

5. When's the next time you'll see your best friend?
Um. Best friend?
My best BEST friend.
Not for a while :C

6. What were you doing this morning at 7:00 AM?
LOL. After staying up till almost 4, what do YOU think?

7. What radio station do you listen to the most?
102.1 Unfortunately. Dean Blundell is an asshole.

8. What was the reason you last cried?
It was probably my usual emo nonsense.
Probably from my dreams.
They usually make me cry... or sit and focus on not throwing up and curling up in the corner.

9. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
LMFAO.
It's so much fun.
I reccommend it to anyone.

10. Who were the last two people to message you?
Stan and Dillon?

11. Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
My mom, I think?

12. Will you be driving in a year?
I can already drive.
I'm awesome... just stay off the sidewalks.

13. Is there anything that you are craving right now?
Do people count?
Hehe... I won't elaborate on that.

14. When did your last hug take place?
Probably the kiddies at camp.

15. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
LOL. Yes, apparently my name is incredibly difficult to say and spell.

16. Do you drink tea?
Occasionally.

17. Have you ridden in someone else's car today?
I haven't been out of my house today... I have a fever.

18. Have you made a mistake this past week?
My life is a constant flow of mistakes.

19. What are you listening to right now?
House in the background.
That is, house the show. Not that horrid house music.

20. Who was the last person you messaged?
I think it was ummm... someone last night.
I can't remember.

21. Are you happy with your life right now?
I'm content. There's so much more I could be doing with it though.

22. What do you need to be doing right now?
Normal people would probably say sleeping.

23. What's the connection between you and the last person you talked too on the phone?
Um. The last person on the phone tried to hire me to work at Wonderland...
No connection?

24. What do you wear to bed?
I'm in pieces of gym sweats from various schools.

25. Has anyone got on your nerves lately?
LOL. Read out the camp attendance list.
There you go.

26. Do you think you'll be married in ten years?
I'll be... 26? Maybe. That's like... the earliest I'd be willing to.

27. Whats the weirdest spot you've let someone lick you?
In the backseat of a car.
LOL NOT. WHAT IS THIS?

28. Did you speak to your mother today?
Yep.
We did a puzzle.

29. What color reminds you of your school?
Yellow. And the ugly green of the uniform sweaters.

30. How many months til your birthday?
3! YAYAAAYAYAY! 17!

31. Last movie you saw?
Across the Universe... and I'm a loser and I'm watching Kate and Leopold for the eighth time.

32. Are you mentally disabled?
I have self-diagnosed OCD and dissociation and possibly minor dyslexia.

33. Who is bothering you?
Nobody. I'm alone in the quiet. Also known as... I'm happy.

34. Would you kiss your guy best friend?
My guy best friend... I have a lot of them. A few of them wouldn't be so bad.

35. When's the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Today, in passing.

36. Are you happy?
Wasn't this asked already?
I'm happy when I think of my obsessions.

37. Can you last three months in a relationship?
I've never tried.

38. How good is Coca Cola?
I don't drink pop.

39. What's on your desk?
A lot of junk.
Like. A lot.

40. Last time you cleaned your room?
It's a constant work in progress.
I clean when I'm upset.

41. Taking anyone for granted?
Definitely not.

42. Last bone you broke?
Never.

43. What are you excited about?
University.

44. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Depends on the circumstances.

45. Do you date smart people?
I like funny people.
Intelligence is a perk.

46. Is life over for you?
Totally.

47. Would you rather have roommates or live alone?
If I live alone I would become completely antisocial.
If my roommate annoys me, I might have to murder them, and I'd be alone anyway.
If they're cool, then I'd love one.

48. Where is the person you need most right now?
At his house.
(You love that crypticness)

49. Where will you be twelve hours from now?
Probably in this exact spot.

50. Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?
I'm five foot and change.
Anyone could intimidate me.

51. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
More sweats.

52. Does anyone hate you for no reason?
People hate me... but they have reasons...
Stupid ones, but they're reasons.

53. Can you make yourself cry?
Gimme a piece of ragweed and I can make myself look stoned, too.

54. Play an instrument?
I play... 3-4 actually.

55. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
For so many reasons. I could correct my mistakes, I could talk with people. It would be awesome.

56. What is your favorite color(s)?
Purple, Green... a bunch of others... it changes daily.

57. Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now?
Victoria's Secret.

58. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a "R?
Nope.
I can make you a list of people I'd like to kiss starting with that letter.
The only one that is coming to mind is Robert Pattinson.
The actor playing Edward Cullen.
^^

59. Have you ever passed out?
Last night?

60. Are you easily confused?
I get confused when I have to make decisions.
The hard ones anyway.

61. Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
I like to think so.

62. What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
Um. Ice cream during "teacher time" aka ice cream straight out of the tub.

63. Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
LMFAOO.
I answer you this with another question..
Can you read my mind?

64. Where were you at 9:00 AM?
Asleep.

65. Do you fall for people easily?
LMAOO. Refer to 63.

66. Everything happens for a reason?
Definitely not. Life is random.

67. Have you ever dated someone more than once?
Nope.

68. Who have you messaged in the last twenty four hours?
A lot of people?

69. Last thing you got in the mall?
Food. Definitely food.
I also bought Fable for 10 bucks... that was fun.

70. Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing?
I find them incredibly stupid.

71. What are you listening to right now?
This thing is really repetetive.
I'm listening to Kate and Leopold in the background.

72. How has the week been?
The camp part, unbearable...
The part where I sleep and do nothing.
Really nice.

73. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
There's a lot of things I want to tell people...
Nothing I'd like to mention now.

74. Do you prefer being single or taken?
Hummm.
At the moment... I think I'd rather be single.
Right now I like the wrong kind of people...

75. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Yes.

76. What's your natural hair color?
Dark dark dark brown.

77. Do you regret something you did today?
I regret doing nothing.

78. Do you have anything in your pockets right now?
I don't have pockets right now.

79. How many windows are open on your computer?
3

80. How many hours did you sleep last night?
A bit less than 8.

81. Is something bothering you right now?
This was askedddd.
Well... the stuff on my mind is.

82. Have you been outside today?
Sadly, no.

83. Are you sarcastic?
What on earth is sarcasm?

84. Last person you saw?
Hugh Jackman on the tv.
Yay.

82. Last person you talked on the phone with?
OMG. This is the most annoying stupid fill out ever.
I hate phones.
I talk to no one.

83. In the past week have you gotten sick?
I'm sick right now.
Sore throat and fever. Blah.

84. In the past week have you smiled?
Hopefully.

85. In the past week have you listened to music?
I've discovered that if I go without listening to music for 24 hours, I exert something similar to PMS. You have been warned.

86. What was the last award you recieved?
Award? I'm an underachiever. I don't do the awards thing.

Craaap. I'm finished.
I'm going to find another one.
Found one!

A N S W E R !

1. Do you like anyone?: Yeah.
2. Do they know it? Hah. Um. There's a few. One probably does.
3. Simple or complicated? Both are not good.

IN - T H E - L A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y O U

4. Had sex: Definitely not
5. Bought something: Yes
6. Gotten sick?: I'm sick naooo.
7. Been hugged?: Yes
8. Felt stupid?: It's called Chemistry 12.
9. Talked to an ex: Nope.
10. Missed someone: A lot.
11. Failed a test: It's called Chemistry 12.
13. Kissed someone: Nope.
14. Gotten your hair cut?: Nope.
15. Lied: Um. Probably.

U N I Q U E

16. Nervous habits?: Chewing my bottom lip, playing with my hair.
18. Can you roll your tongue?: Yep
19. Can you raise one eyebrow?: No... I try though
20. Can you cross your eyes?: I can cross one and two... OH.
21. Do you make your bed daily?: Never.
22. Do you think you are unique?: I think that I'm the only one of my kind. Definitely.

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R'S

23. Said "I Love you": Yeah...
24. Given money to a homeless person: I'm not downtown enough.
25. Smoked?: Too vague. I won't answer this.
26. Waited all night for a phone call?: LOL. That's silly.
27. Snuck out?: Nope. I'm a loser and a chicken.
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: Cottage is the best for this.

M A N N E R S

29. Do you swear/curse?: I keep it to a minimum.
30. Do you ever spit?: Ew no. It's a disgusting habit.
31. You cook your own food?: I bake cookies and cakes.
32. You do your own chores?: Yeah-ish
33. You like beef jerky?: I don't eat beef.
35. You're happy with your life?: Happy enough.
36. You own a dog?: Nope. I have a brother... it's kinda the same.
37. You spend your money wisely?: I never buy anything unless I've thought about it for days.
38. Do you like to swim?: In pools... without babies.
39. When you get bored do you call a friend: I hate talking on the phone.

D O - Y O U - P R E F E R'S

41. Flowers or angels?: Flowers
42. Gray or black?: Gray
43. Color or black and white photos?: Either.
44. Lust or love?: Love
45. Sunrise or sunset?: I've never seen the sunrise... I'm nocturnal.
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: Peanutty M&Ms
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: I'm nocturnal
49. Being hot or cold?: Cold.
50. Winter or Fall?: Fall=Birthday. Winter=Snowboarding. Both=Happytime.
51. Left or right?: I'm a lefty. So left.
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?: Best friends. Definitely.
53. Sunshine or rain?: I love the rain. It smells good when it rains.

RANDOM

1. Do your siblings dye their hair? No. That's my department.
2. How long have you liked the person you're into now? There's a couple. One forever and a day. One for a long, but there's random points of immense hatred.
3. Do you still have any of your exes' stuff? Nope.
4. Who can you best relate to in the last book you read? Bella? Although... oh yeah, I don't have a perfect vampire boyfriend. Fuck my life.
5. Are you indecisive? I am, but I overthink stuff.
6. What's stressing you right now? Life. Graduation.
7. Do you collect anything? Everything. I'm a pack rat.

8. If you had to dye your hair right now, what color would you choose? Pinky brown. Like... mahogany but pinkier. LOL
9. How old were you the first time you had alcohol? Beer as a little kid. It was that reverse psychology thing.
10. Do you remember what you were doing on New Years Eve 2006? Erm. I can't remember.
11. What are you listening to? The tv.
12. What the last movie you watched good? Across the Universe was amazing.
13. Are you tired? I don't sleep.
14. What are you doing tomorrow? Nothing important.
15. What was the last compliment someone gave you? "I'm very exotic looking?" LOL.
16. Does anyone like you right now? Um. It's doubtful.
17. Do your best friends all like each other? Mostly. Some don't know each other?
18. What are your pets' names? Birdy
19. What did your first best friend look like? My first best friend? Blonde and pretty.
20. Did you have a role model growing up? Um. Probably Travis Barker... Yeah, I dunno... I think it was more I was incredibly in love with him.
21. Do you remember who you liked in grade seven? Yes. =]
22. Have you ever read someone's journal? Who keeps journals? Well... other than me?
23. If you could learn how to play one instrument, what would it be? CELLO CELLO CELLO.
24. Do you like your job? Not working ATM
25. Who's the first person in your phone contacts? Umm... my cell phone's upstairs... that's way to far.
26. Is your best friend dating anyone? Do you like them? I don't have a best friend...? I have multiple. Some are, some aren't. Some like me, some don't.
27. How do you feel right now? In a trance.
28. When were you last in the hospital? Grade 8.
29. Do you want to move? Kinda. I live so freaking far from everyone.
30. Do you think you would survive in a zombie apocalypse? LMFAOO. I've been instructed on how to survive a zombie attack in every possible situation.
31. Who is the most trustworthy of your friends? Me. I don't trust well.
32. Are you loyal? Completely.
33. Do you have a big family? Immediate, no. Cousins and stuff, yes.
34. Do you want more or less siblings? If I could trade my brother for a baby brother or sister, that would be great.
35. What size shoes do you wear? 8.5

FACK. I'm done again.
I gotta find something else to do.
Secret page rambings?
I think yes.

What do I look like? The wizard of oz? You need a brain? You need a heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I have.

2008-08-18T00:22:00.003-04:00

It took me a grand total of two days to revert back into my nighthawk state.

Last night I stayed up until 3:30 am watching Across the Universe (which I adored by the way).
I fell asleep, so I missed the last half hour, but I'm sure that the end is good.
I'll watch that on Tuesday.

I have a new obsession.
Yes, another one.
I need to be tested for some kind of mental illness...
Because this obsessive behaviour seriously needs to stop.

It's renegadepress.com.
Yes, you're probably like... *cricket* *cricket*
I know.
I JUST found it... like... a couple months ago.
Little did I know, it's been on for five years.
Yeah.

So it's a lot like Degrassi.
But they come up with waay better storylines...
And the plots don't repeat themselves.
And... I dunno, it's not as shiny happy as Degrassi.
Don't ask me why I think Degrassi is shiny happy... because it's really not...
Maybe it's because they're slowly replacing all their actors with more and more people that look like models.
It's just a guess.
Renegadepress.com feels more realistic.

It also helps that there's a Native boy that makes me think of Jacob Black. ^^
And we all know how much I love Jacob Black.

I just love when my obsessions come full circle like that.
One day I'm going to make this huge web of how all of my obsessions are really one big obsession also known as my life.

Aaanyway.
I think I'm going to fill out a silly one of those forms, because I'm bored and nothing good is on tv and 1 am.
It shall be up in no less than an hour.

But that was when I ruled the world...

2008-08-16T17:59:00.002-04:00

Wow.
So blogging during camp is impossible.
I'm really really glad it's over though.
Relief fills my soul, knowing now I get to have my life back.

So.
OMFG TWILIGHT.
The movie just got moved FORWARD to November 21. That is exactly a week after my 17th birthday. That is going to be my birthday gift to myself. Twilightness.
Thank you Harry Potter jerks, because the decision was made to change the release date after your stupid delay.
So Kristen wins C:

Yes, so that's what new with me.
I should have just said nothing at all... because this Twilight obsession is getting waywaywayway out of hand. I love Edward. And I love Jacob.
Now all real boys are flawwed and nowhere near as amazing as the fictional kind.
My standards are now ridiculously high.

"Hmm... not a mythical creature? Sorry, this won't work out"
"Wanna build me a motorcycle? You can't. Hmm. I'll see you around then"
"Edward does [insert anything here] better"

Yup.
I am going to be extremely hard to please.
So I guess I'll die alone waiting for my Edward Cullen or my Jacob Black.

Sigh.

SO ANYWAYS XD

I'm working on that book I mentioned that I was trying to write months and months ago.
I have the entire plot perfectly scripted in my head.
If only I could make the words describing it sound not stupid.

The hardest part is writing in the first person.
I'm writing in the voice of a girl...
And to be honest... it's hard being a not so painfully sarcastic, sane girl.
Every time I write her thoughts out, she sounds like a whiny bitch.
LOL.

If I every manage to get any kind of semblance of a chapter out, I'll maybe post it somewhere.
Secret page, most likely.

Ok, I'm going to *attempt* to write out the first chapter.

(Oh, and 17 days till school, in case you were wondering.)
Bai.

F.U.C.K.

2008-08-11T19:55:00.002-04:00

I'm so fucking tired of it.
My mother doesn't even make an effort anymore.
To at least pretend that we're equal.
It's so obvious to see who the favourite, I wonder why I ever bother.

Yesterday I tried so hard to be helpful.
Helped with the cooking.
Worked on cleaning my room.
Emptied and loaded the dishwasher.
And I did it all without complaint.
I thought I was actually being good.

Hah.
What a joke.
Nothing is good enough.

After Alex and I fought, because his usual stupidity was driving me particularly insane today he managed to break a fan.
Yeah, so somehow everything's my fault and after she's done yelling at "both" of us, somehow the fact that my room's not completely clean gets brought into it.
WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?

I CLEARLY STARTED SATURDAY.
I'M SORRY I DON'T HAVE INFINITE TIME TO WORK ON CLEANING MY ROOM.
I'M SORRY I'M NOT DANCING AROUND JOYFULLY SWEEPING LIKE SOME FUCKING DISNEY MOVIE AFTER I COME HOME FROM CAMP WHERE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF OR THE CHILDREN (Seriously, whatever's faster will do.)

So I just shriek.
I don't even know.
I'm so mad, my hands are shaking as I type.
I screamed full out into a pillow.
I didn't realize that people actually had to do that.
I thought it was just something that happened on TV.

So now my brother and my mom are watching TV together downstairs, and I am up here calculating the days, hours, minutes and seconds until I get to go to Guelph.
Needless to say, my sanity depends on acceptance.

ASDHDSGIHAGFASDFG.
So yeah.
I'm making one of those timer things on iGoogle.
394 days, 3 hours, 49 minutes 45 seconds.

My quiet little countdown is going to save me from more screaming in the pillow.
I'll take this as a small victory for now.

Kbye.

We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

2008-08-04T17:24:00.004-04:00

I love that line.
It's my life in a box right now.
Still trying to figure out stuff.

So wow.
Where have I been the last two weeks?
I've been:
Dropping out of summer school.
Working at summer camp.
Getting trapped on Behemoth.
And, of course, reading the entire Breaking Dawn novel in one day.
Yes, these are the highlights of the last two weeks.

I am an antisocial loser.
What frightens me though, is that I might actually enjoy it.

I mean.
Obviously I miss certain people.
Two in particular.
Blah.
I had dreams about them.
How lame am I getting?

It also disturbs me that sooner or later, they're gonna meet each other.
I can't keep them apart for four years.
Especially since I plan on being around them both during this time.

Unless I magically don't want one in my life.
Just like in Breaking Dawn.
Magically all the relationship problems disappear...
If I explain, I'd be giving away major plot points.
So I'll be nice, and keep it to myself.

It's going to be interesting-
Life after high school.

Personally, I can't wait.
I can't wait to find people like me.
People that listen to the same weird music.
People that get my strange humour.
Just different people.

The personalities in high school are getting old.
I mean I get that those people have to end up somewhere...
But university is bigger.
There's more of a chance of finding the weird ones.

It makes me happy just thinking about it.

University will be better.
I'll MAKE it better.

Ah! I just found the happiest sad song ever C:
I love it.
It reminds me of Jacob Black.
Did I mention I love Jacob Black?
Yeah.
It's true.
I'm a rarity among Twilight fans.
Edward is wow.
But a little too intense for me.
Jacob Black makes me inexplicably happy.

So the song is I'm not going to teach your boyfriend how to dance with you (Yes, a mouthful) by the Black Kids. Ironically, only the lead singer is black.
Hmm.

You are the girl that I've been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl
You are the girl that I've been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl

One,
I'm biting my tongue
Two,
He's kissin' on you
Three,
Oh, why can't you see?
One! Two! Three! Four!

The word's on the streets and it's on the news:
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you.
He's got two left feet and he bites my moves.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance
The second I do, I know we're gonna be through.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you.
He don't suspect a thing. I wish he'd get a clue.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance

One!
You're biting my tongue.
Two!
I'm kissin' on you.
Three!
Is he better than me?
One! Two! Three! Four!

The word's on the streets and it's on the news:
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you.
He's got two left feet and he bites my moves.
I'm not gonna teach him how to dance, dance, dance, dance

Ah! it's amazing. Other than "when I was a little girl" it is completely about Jacob Black in Eclipse. It makes me sad for him.

It ALSO reminds me (yes, rant incoming) of my wonderful situation.
All the boys come to me about girl advice, and end up telling me more than I need to know.
It's really painful when you wish they were talking about you.
This doesn't just apply to the boys I love, but boys in general.

I'm not going to teach you how to understand girls.
SO SHUT UP ALREADY.

Hm, for some reason, my version isn't as catchy.

It's on repeat.
Omgsh I love it.
I'm not going to teach him how to dance with you!

As you can probably tell, I've missed having time to blog...
Terribly.

I'm going to stop.
And continue to listen to this song.
Wheee! It's amazing.
Byee.

I'm okay, I'm okay, Everything is okay.

2008-07-21T16:38:00.005-04:00

Hello.
I've lost my mind.
Let me just refresh with my last two musical obsessions before I continue.

The last two major, major obsessions were:
1. Rammstein: Scary German Dance Metal
2. Crystal Castles: Semi-disturbed Toronto 8-bit Dance Rock

My new favourite band, like obsessively... is even more random.
Yes, more random then the previous two obsessions.

The new one: Apocalyptica.
My description of them will make the last two sound pretty normal.
Apocalyptica is a trio of Finnish metal celloists accompanied by a drummer.
They started their career covering Metallica songs on their cello.
I'm now obsessively listening to their music.

Obsessively, obsessively.
In an obsession that can literally only compare to Rammstein and Crystal Castles.
So anyway, now that I'm done that ramblage...
I should probably sum up the WARPED TOUR.

WARPED = AMAAZING
Talked to one of my heroes: Check!
Creeped on a drummer : Check!
Got to see a band at the barricade: Check and Check and Check C:

So my hero was the guy from the Johnstones that talked to me...
And I was so lost and out of it, I didn't realize who he was at first.
And atfer he walked by I just stopped and was like OMGWTFDASIF!
He then turned around and saw me freaking out.
LOL

The drummer that I creeped on was also from the Johnstones.
I saw him at their merch booth...
And then hanging out beside the stage...
And then 2 other occasions.
I swear I didn't plan it that way, but it made me pretty happy.
I'm not going to lie.

I SAW THE FLATLINERS IN THE FRONT ROW.
I'm in love.
The bassist actually made my day.
His silly facial expressions were like... yay C:
I also saw Against Me! In the second row and then almost died.
I couldn't breathe for the majority of the set, but wow...
It was amaaazing.

I also got to see...
We the Kings
The Academy Is...
Cobra Starship (and OMG Travis from Gym Class Heroes)
Say Anything
Against Me!
Saint Alvia Cartel
The Flatliners
Relient K
And a couple of bands that I have no idea who they were...
But they were pretty great C:

I missed the Johnstones, Sick City, and The Pinker Tones... so that was sad.
I want to go to the Cutting Edge thinger next next weekend, to make up for missing the Johnstones.... and for not realizing who he was!
Agh. LOL.
It still hurts.

So I think that's it for music news.
School...
I hate passionately.
I want to drop.
The drop day is Thursday, and I'm 90% sure that I'm going to drop out.

Guuh.
That means I either have 8 courses next year...
Or I have 7 and a spare and I remove Physics?
That's the most logical...
But then I have to make it up in University.
I think I should just give up my doctor goals.
It seems completely impossible now.
-deskheadsmash-
Fail.

Imma go take a nap.
Or play the Sims.
Or the piano.

Oh!
I didn't mention my piano obsession.
I am now playing the piano, self-taughtedly (word invention).
I learned Hurricane by Something Corporate from sheet music...
and then I learned BY EAR Personal by Stars.
That song is the one that depresses me hardcore.
But it makes me happy when I'm playing it on the piano.
Go figure.
I'm also attempting to learn Mad World, the cover by Gary Jules.
It's sooo pretty.
It's a lot harder than the other two.

That's it for sure now.
I think you should stop reading my blog though.
I'm a summer school dropout...
And an all-around lost cause.
It might be contagious.
RUN.
Aha, bai.

Oh, No It Just Don't Feel Right

2008-07-16T18:20:00.003-04:00

Everything changes.
I'm beginning to learn that the hard way.
That scares me.

In the least of my emotional issues, I thought I was doing alright in chemistry.
One test more than likely shattered that.
84 to a 78?
-Cries-

That was the lame part of my day.
The fun part was getting into a 5-seater SUV with 8 people... half of which were strangers, then going to the driver's house.
We then made mac and cheese and listened to the driver's brother play piano.
Then Kerthy, Andrea and I rode in the trunk back to school.
I was very late for class because the mac and cheese took forever to cook.
Twas hilarious.
Strangers are fun.

LOL.
Oh.
WARPED TOUR ON SATURDAY.
FACK YES.
We are stalking Tom Delonge...
Then we are going to stalk every drummer in any band, bad or good and I'm going to take pictures with them all C:

I think that's it.
Summer scholaire is saddening.
I don't enjoy it as much as I did.
I think I'll elaborate on that later.
Secret Pagery goodness.
Mhm.
Bye.

Oh, no it just don't feel right

2008-07-14T21:14:00.002-04:00

Rawr X3

News.
I moved the Secret Page.
I've decided that I hate geocities.
So the secret page is ______.blogspot.com
It's the same name as before.
I'm uncreative.
It's easier this way.

Anyway.
Summer school is getting better.
I'm getting more 90s and less 60s.
That's nice C:

Maybe I won't have to drop after all.
Would that be nice?

Uhm,
What else can I say?
So much of my life is revolving around secrets.

I'm watching Canadian Idol.
Yes, you read right.
I'm watching Canadian Idol.
I'm in love with Sebastian Pigott.
He's like... wow.
And he sings like... wow.
His gyrating hip thing is like... wow.
If it weren't for him, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have watched quite as religiously.
LOL.
When did I become like this?

So...
My life has become chemistry.
And I honestly can't think of anything else to talk about.
Wow.
That is sad.

Secret Page?
Methinks yes.
It's just going to be rambly, but I like to write.

Chemistry & Chemistry

2008-07-13T17:06:00.002-04:00

Agh. Chemistry is ruining my life.
I haven't blogged in the last five days
Because I do Chemistry homework from 4:00 - 10:00.
Then I'm way too bothered to turn on my computer,
so I veg out in my bed and watch bad reruns.

Yes. That has been my life.

Did I mention I'm getting 70 in chemistry?
70!
Seriously?
I've been actually working my ass off, and I'm getting 70?!
Imma go cry now, kthx.
(Actually, I've gotta do a lab report, THEN cry)

Before I do, I should probably recount the last couple of days...
Hm...

Having people from different parts of my life together is weird.
WEIRD.
For example, in grade 7-8... I was...
For lack of a better word, aggressive.
(That translates to, I used to kick boys that made me mad in the shins)
LOL.

Nobody from St. Theresa knows about this little... phase.
(Except for Elisha who got kicked quite hard in grade 9. LOL)
But Chris and Alex were so kind to bring it up when we were talking to Samantha.
She thought it was funny...
It was really awkward.
I'd rather not be discussed.

Kerthy wants to meet them next.
Agh.
More weirdness.
I think I'll leave them to talk about me...
So I don't have to hear about my... random quirks.
AIE.
Not to mention Sam and Kerthy telling them about random gossip concerning me...
Especially from this year ><
AGH.

So, I'd like to die now.
Thank you.

I think this lab can be constrewed as death, though.
It sure feels like death.
Okay I really have to start now.
Bye~

Fire & Ice

2008-07-08T17:05:00.002-04:00

I've got drama coming out my ears.

LOL HI.
It's already on the page.
I wrote there first.

I dropped English!
Mr. Wong is my hero.
I'm now in University Chem 12.
There is no one from St. Theresa...
But there's at least three people from Villanova that I recognize.

Sam and Kerthy stayed in English.
So I still get to see them C:
I thought I was going to be all by my lonesome.

Aaaanyway.
Chemistry is much more fun when...
a) You have a non-monotonic teacher.
b) Your teacher can teach.

I actually LIKE chemistry again.
I know.
That was almost blasphemic.

So yes.
Secret Page is up.
It's long.
Unlike this entry.
Have Fun.

Tonight We're Falling In Love...

2008-07-07T17:20:00.003-04:00

So today was the first day of summer school.
It can also be refered to:
a) The longest school day in the history of time.
b) The worst day in English
c) The day I learned that my terrible English teacher from grade 11 is actually kind and considerate, but only when compared with this nutcase teacher that we've been graced with.

Needless to say, I ish dropping this class.
I will either be taking grade 12 math, chemistry or physics.
That is, if I'm allowed to.
Gahh... Summer school seriously makes me wanna cry.
This has never happened.

Speaking of which, I saw my physics teacher from last summer.
She's teaching grade 10 math.
I wanna take it!!
XD
It would be so much better...
She's the best.
And I already got a 90.
So why not?

What else sucks about summer school?
Um. No one from my school took summer school at our school...
And my friends are dropping..
So that'll be fun.

I saw a lot of people from Villanova...
Which is definitely weird.
I didn't exactly keep in contact with anyone.
I saw Chris for the first time in like... three years ^^
That was nice.

I've been avoiding the big things...
Damn.
Secret Pagery?
Yes, I think so.

I'm off.
Bai.

Today I'm Afraid Of Yesterday

2008-07-03T14:42:00.002-04:00

Crap.
Crap.
CRAPPP.

I've discovered the cure to all my problems...
And it just ran out completely.

My cure was Veronica Mars DVDs.
I whipped through seasons 1-2 in a week.
I swear buying them was the smartest $50 I ever spent.

Now there is no more.
There is Season 3...
But because I'm SO lucky,
I can't seem to find Season 3 online.

This show distracted me from my problems.
What the hell am I supposed to distract myself with now?
Srsly.
CRAP.

Not to mention my random dreammage has continued.
It's constantly things that I would really rather not dream about.

Arghh...

I'm losing it again.
I need to pick a new show to watch obsessively.

I have:
Lost Seasons 1-3
Heroes Season 1
Gilmore Girls Season 3
Smallville Season 1
Grey's Anatomy Season 1-2

Crap.
Scratch the Grey's.
I lent it out.

And that's what I wanted to watch, too.
Nothing like Meredith's screwed-upedness to make me feel better about my own sanity.

Lost?
I can't watch Lost...

I need more DVDs.
Which is slightly ridiculous, because I've got TONS.

On my eventual purchase list:
Veronica Mars, Season 3
Gilmore Girls, Season 4 (Maaaybe 1 and 2)
Heroes, Season 2
Lost, Season 4

After that... I think I'll be completely broke, so I'll stop there.

I need to get out of the house.

There's only so much time I can hide in the happy land of fiction.
But it's so pretty.
I'd rather live in a world wittily written by professionals.
It's just too perfect.

Oh, and the obligatory jackass...
He's lovable.
But that's an epiphany worthy for the Secret Page.

People are so much better when they're made up.
It's really unfair.

Which brings me to my next point...
I'm so ready to be done with high school.
Really.

As great as high school has been,
I'm kind of tired of the way people are.
And I'm fersure tired of the terrible teachers.
I've never had a teacher that hated me passionately.
This year, I had at least two.
Personal vendettas are fun, but they get old quickly.
Hence the dancing out of the English and Chemistry exams.
C:

S'yeah.
I'm really bored.
I should end this soon.
I've already gotten horribly rambly.

Hehe.. I just ran spellcheck.
I invented 5 words.
The rest are noises and words spelt with too many letters.
I really do like inventing words.
Ferserious.

I'm done.
If I don't end now I'm just going to keep rambling...
And I need to find something new to occupy my mind.

I Loved You Longtime.

2008-07-02T12:19:00.003-04:00

Boom.
I woke up at noon.
It's definitely summertime.

I've been watching my DVDs.
I've been playing the Sims.
I've been doing nothing.
Summer is so great c:

I had a point to writing...
But it seems that I've forgotten.

I had about 12 different dreams last night...
So that was interesting...
I can list a few..
But a lot of them have slipped away.

I had a couple, definitely from watching too much Veronica Mars.
I dreamt that I was trying to help a guy who kidnapped his baby daughter out of the country.
I dreamt that I had to babysit a kid...
I dreamt that I had to save a friend from being taped to a flagpole.
All of which have occured on Veronica Mars at least once.

Then.
There was one from watching House? Even though I only watched it for ten minutes...
This doctor had wires? in my heart... and it was really scary and weird. I had this feeling that too much electricity was being run into it. It was really freakish.

Crap.
I lost about three while I was writing out those ones.
Damn.
I believe that one was really awesome :c

I'm going for my Toys R Us interview today.
I hope I don't mess it up.
I tend to lie when I'm nervous...
Which makes very little sense...
But it happens.

So anyway.
It appears that I can't remember why I started this.
Hm.
Oh well.
Bai.

The Moment That it Takes to Fall Apart

2008-06-30T13:04:00.002-04:00

I'm over it.
Ohfersure.
It's done.

I spent the weekend up at my cottage.
With nothing but sun, sand, Eclipse, and my Veronica Mars DVDs.
It was everything I needed.

I'm fully over it.
So this basically means I have a week before summer school...
...and a week until my 'over it' attitude crumbles.

Whatever, what can you do?
I'll enjoy this feeling while it lasts.

Sooo.
Janice and I went jobhunting FINALLY.
I applied to Coles, De Serres, Second Cup, Toys R Us and...
WEST 49!
I couldn't help it.
I love that store.
And the manager was really nice.
So I'm hoping to get any one of those jobs...

Janice applied to...
One's, Toys Toys Toys, Claire's, Toys R Us, and Bubble Tease.
Bubble Tease gave her an interview on the spot.
Her training is on Friday C:
Sometimes I am very jealous that I can't speak Chinese.
The best jobs require it.

After our silly day of applications, gossip, and daring each other to apply to silly places,
We bought last call 30% off sushi and ate at 9:30... in the dark emptying mall.
It was a fun day.
The Toys R Us interview is on Wednesday C:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow.
So I'm reading a handful of my posts from the last couple of days.
I was really messed up about it.
I'm actually really okay about it now.
After watching Veronica Mars, I remembered...
I love Logan...
So it really doesn't matter.
XD
Silliness.

So I'm going to go play Sims.
I'm on the fourth generation.
It's interesting how genetics really do vary at this point.
I started with two brunette parents...
And three of the five great grandkids are blonde.
I've had two sets of twins... (One set are blondes)
It's really quite fascinating to watch the genes change.

Anyway.
I'm going to go play.
I might have a secret page anecdote later.
If I'm really bored with life.
Laater.

Is it You or Me?

2008-06-27T10:19:00.002-04:00

I did it.
I talked about it.
It took me an hour to write so little...
But I had to stop a lot.

I read it over.
It sounds so ridiculous.
I keep telling myself I'm being ridiculous.
But I still can't get a handle on my physical reactions.
The stomach backflips, the nausea, the dizzyness, the numbness.
It's all just so stupid.
I wasn't this attached, was I?

I don't think I was.
I think this is from reading New Moon.
Her emoity was transferred into me.
Now I don't know how to deal with this.

Avoidance.
Fershure.
It's like my life philosophy.

Anyway.
Secret Page time.
Enjoy.

I'm not going to lie.
Putting it out there makes me feel better.
Like I'm separating myself from this horrible...
Whatever this is.

Apparently I have that mental illness.
Disassociative behavior.
That thing where people separate themselves from trauma.
Compartmentalizing?
I redid that mental illness test...
And disassociative behaviour was waay up there.
I took it a third time, just to make sure.
Apparently the first one was wrong.
I am disassociative.
Which is much more logical than schizophrenia.

Okay.
So really.
Go read.
I'm done distracting.

Shout out Please Come Back to Me

2008-06-26T16:58:00.003-04:00

Okay. Sorry about the lack of information from the last entry.
I'm really not ready to talk about it.
Or admit why I'm so upset.
Everytime I think about it my stomach does backflips.
Which is so retarded.
I had kept myself so in check this time.
Towards the end I was an idiot and let it through.
Stupid.

Anyway, I'm just going to say...
Don't expect to know what's going on until I manage to get over it.
Maybe then I can talk about it.
I'm not ready yet.
And it so helps that I'm listening to
Personal - Stars
I shall post the lyrics, because it's so pretty.
I can't help loving this song...
Even though it magnifies the pain.
Whatever.
Words:

Personal
(Male voice)
wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
mrs destiny
send photo to address
is it you
and me?

(Female Voice)
reply to single m:
my name is caroline
cell phone number here
call if you have the time
28 and bored
grieving over loss
sorry to be heavy
but heavy is the cost
heavy is the cost

(Male Voice)
reply to caroline:
thanks so much for response
these things can be scary
not always what you want
how about a drink?
this ancient club at noon
i'll phone you first i guess
i hope i see you soon

(Female Voice)
i never got your name
i assume you're 33
your voice it sounded kind
i hope that you like me
when you see my face
i hope that you don't laugh
i'm not a film star beauty
i'll send a photograph
i hope that you don't laugh

(Female Voice)
not to single m:
why did you not show up?
i waited for an hour
i finally gave up
i thought once that i saw you
i thought that you saw me
i guess we'll never meet now
it wasn't meant to be
it wasn't mean to be
i was sure you saw me
but it wasn't meant to be

(Male Voice)
wanted: single f
under 33
must enjoy the sun
must enjoy the sea
sought by single m
nothing too heavy
send photo to address
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?
is it you or me?

So yeah.
Beautiful.
Sad.
NOT what I should listen to right now.
Stupid.

So that brings me to my next point: Stars.
Wow. Gorgeous new album, In Our Bedroom After the War.
I've been listening to it, while improvising piano bits to go with the songs.
It's so calming.
Like meditation.
Once you find the right key, and combination of notes.
All you have to do is hit them in time.
It's actually so mind numbing...
Perfect on a day like today.

I can hear the thunder rumbling outside.
I feel like lying out in the rain.
Just because it would be something else to do.
I'm tired of wandering around my house.
Trying to find anything to pass the time, and avoid thought too much.
I feel like a ghost.

I don't want to sign into MSN.
Which makes it even harder to be in my house.
Alone.
I have no one to talk to.
And I don't want to explain this to anyone.
No one would get it.
No one is as stupid and/or insane as I am.

I feel numb.
It scares me when I get like this.
But only my head says I'm scared.
I don't feel it.
I can't feel anything.

I sound like such an idiot.
Who talks like this?
Nutcases.
Depressed people.
I'm not depressed.
I know what that feels like.
This isn't it.
-----------------------------------------------

I just came back from outside.
Yes, in the thunderstorm.
I stood, back against the wall, on my deck. I wasn't getting wet, but there was a warm mist of water collecting on my arms. I stared mindlessly at the deck, watching the droplets of water bounce against the wood.
This lasted about 10 minutes.
I snapped out of it, thankfully.
I can't remember going outside.
Or making the conscious decision to do so.

I feel unsettled.
But I still don't feel anything physical.
My mind is moving insanely fast, but my body feels like dead weight.
Like a zombie.
I'm actually losing it.
For real this time.

I'm sorry this is so depressing.
Well, I don't even know if it's depressing.
I feel like I've just stated facts.
There's very little emotion.
I need to get out of the house.

Damnit.
Kay.
I'm going.

I guess that's what you call Instant Karma... bitch.

2008-06-24T16:07:00.002-04:00

So the tradition lives on.
Kristen = pissed off, sad, annoyed and hateful.
Just like every year at the end.
It's so stupid, I don't know how I didn't see this coming.
Last night I had to distract myself to keep from noticing te gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. New Moon certainly got the job done.

I don't really feel like elaborating right now.

So anyways.
I had my math exam today.
I did good I think.
Definitely well enough to pull into the 80s.

I rode the 83 around aimlessly with Anthony and Julian.
Talking about my problems ><
Of course, not about what happened in the last 24 hours.
I'm not ready to deal with that.
I don't think I'll ever want to deal with that.

So then the 4 bus. FULL.
WHEN DID PEOPLE START TAKING MY DAMN BUS?
I was touched very awkwardly by a handful of people.
I hate full buses.
And while I'm in this grouchy, 'get off my bus' mood, a bunch of grade 10 boys going to Wonderland are looking at me smiling and pointing. How about DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I don't have time for your stupidity.

I'm so not myself.
It usually takes about 2-3 weeks for me to deal with my end of year emo catastrophe.
This one feels worse than the previous ones, so maybe a bit more.
I can't believe I let this get so out of hand.
I knew better than this.

Gah.
You know the drill. Secret Page time ASAP.
And that's enough vague rambling.
Bai.

The Night Starts Here.

2008-06-23T18:22:00.002-04:00

Blah.
One more stupid exam.
Then the summer is mine.
That wonderful week and a half before summer school.
Then four weeks of that.
Then four weeks (HOPEFULLY) full time employment.
Janice and I are making the resume rounds at Vaughan Mills on Wednesday.

I'm going to reapply to places that I've already applied to.
Yes, I'm pushy.
And also very desperate.

I should be studying for mathematics.

Instead I've rerealized my passion for my bass.
My loverly bass. I've missed you.
It is now in full use.
I'm learning Ten Speed of God's Blood and Burial by Coheed and Cambria.
Because I'm awesome, and I love this song with all my heart C:
The cover version that you can get on Rock Band makes me want to cry.
It's shit. YOU RUINED IT.

So bass.
I remember why I used to enjoy afterschool time.
I used to have time for bassing.
Now like now, where it's like...
3:00-4:30: Eat/Sleep
4:30-past midnight: Homework/Blog/Cry/Rock back and forth in corner

Yes, grade 11 has been craap.
Grade 10 was love.
I got my almost 90 average...
and didn't do anything all year.
Twas a good life.
Yes.

I'm so scared for next year.
If grade 11 makes me crazy, then what can grade 12 do O_O
AHHH!

So, my social life is over, come September.
It was nice to know you.
I can never see you again.
I'm going to become a hermit and never leave my room.

AAAnywho.
I've got a secret page worthy story.
It's really. I dunno.
I feel guilty-ish.
At the same time, I hope he gets it?
But I'm worried that I competely fucked up a friendship forever.

Yeah.
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

What else can I blab about?
After writing today's exam, I learned that I can get a 65 in chemistry and still make it on the honour role.
That is beautiful.

Okay. I'm off to the secret page.
Because this incident is the only thing I can seem to worry about.

Blah.
Bai.

One Year Of Psychokris

2008-06-21T15:09:00.002-04:00

Twas one year yesterday that I began my adventure away from (idiotic) MSN Spaces and into the land of Blogspot. I hadn't decided on how to commemorate this special event yesterday, so I left my celebratory blog entry till today.

I decided, whilst reading my old entries to pull some Psychokris quotes, that will probably make me sound like an idiotic person with several mental illnesses.

(LUL IT TAKES SO MUCH EFFORT TO SOUND SMART)
Without any further ado, here are my most favourite (or miserable) memories from this year:

September 4, 2007 (On the first day of school...)
"but next year I will be a senior. There will be no more big kids that look so much cooler and happier than we are. There will be more younger kids, that look so desperate to fit in to the high school scene. I hope I never looked like that... x_x"

September 15, 2007 (On being silly...)
"I found this blue ribbony plastic stuff... and I turned it into the greatest hair weave mullet for Martin, who was too busy gaming to make me stop."

October 22, 2007 (On Biology...)
"We were watching the CTV movie about SARS. Elisha kept asking me if people were me, or my family (since everyone was asian). I completely blew his mind when I told him my mom was white. He also owes me $40 for some bet having to do with Grey's Anatomy... but he's lame, so he won't be paying up any time soon."

October 28, 2007 (On English...)
"Now I've gotta study like crazy for English... Hopefully that 73 won't turn into a 69... because then I'd have to quit school and live in a box... because a 60 will be so traumatic I'll forget how to speak and read and write completely."

November 7, 2007 (Silvercity Field Trip)
"Today, I also learned that the average grade 11 boy is really a barbarian raised by baboons."

December 18, 2008 (On the Future...)
"I'll be the crazy bag lady with frizzy hair and bad teeth. So when you're all successfull with your job and families and what not, remember to spot me some change =] I'll appreciate it, but my English will probably be so horrible at that point that it will sound like grunts and various animal noises. So 'thank you' in advance."

January 7, 2008 (On the "who's family is more fucked up" game)
"Elisha and I shared stories about our family. His mafia uncle that's getting out of jail after 15 years... and my porn star aunt. LOL. Yeah. These great conversations put the "lol" in biolology."

February 19, 2008 (On Fitness...)
"My teacher is the kind of person that would use a whip if they still allowed that kind of physical punishment in schools still."

February 21, 2008 (On college...)
"College. The word that makes parents slightly twitch, trying to pretend that they're happy for you. The C word that somehow translates to the parental mind means "I think I'll start running over small animals with a monster car," or "Instead of going to university, I'm actually going to join the circus and grow a ten foot beard and juggle bowling pins caught on fire"."

March 1, 2008 (On life philosophies...)
"Um... yeah. I am the coolest, smartest, awesomest person I know."

March 28, 2008 (On things that people say...)
"Jay said that I should be one of the weird professors that spend their lives making theories about numbers that do not exist. LOL. That is my new life goal."

April 6, 2008 (On my future...)
"Oh. By the way. I managed to make a choice about my life career. I'm going to be a carpenter... Yes. Just like Jesus."

April 12, 2008 (On the birth of the secret page...)
"It shall be called the learn-about-Kristen's-problems-as-she-slowly-loses-her-mind club.We meet every other Tuesdays. I'll bring the cookies ."

April 29, 2008 (On Boston...)
"I dunno. Whatever. So Boston was amazing. I'm a Blue Man groupie.It's been decided.The show was amazing... I'm definitely marrying a drummer."

May 27, 2008 (On dealing with anger...)
"Okay, fuck you bitch. You clearly don't know anything."

That brings us up to now, June.
I wasn't very quotable this month...
I was too busy losing my mind.

So this has been Psychokris, a retrospective.
I should now go back to studying for my math and chemistry exams...
(This was an excellent waste of 30 minutes ^^)

Where Do All The Lovers Meet With One Another?

2008-06-18T17:07:00.003-04:00

Schoooool's

OUT

FOR

SUMMER!

Yes, I'm in a YAYAYAYAY mood.
It's kinda dulled by the fact that I don't know what I'm doing in life.
And Grade 12 next year = OMGWTF.
Soz, now I'm studying for Religion.
Bleh.

So I went to school today. The numbers of people in my classes were:

Fitness: 2.
We ate ice cream and talked.

Religion: 12?
She lied and said we would be learning something, hence the large numbers.

Chemistry: 6.
We sat in almost silence... I got SO much done... which doesn't happen ever.

Mathhematics: 9.
We talked about pretty much nothing important.
I talked about how much I missed my bass.
My teacher threw a ball of tape at my head o.O

It was a fun/useless day.

And I'm trying out that new strategy...
Ignoring person.
I've noticed when I ignore him, he's nicer C:
So Imma be a bitch and...
Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Soz now what do I talk about?
Exams Thursday, Monday and Tuesday.
But 2/3 are 12:15, so I can sleep in.
Yayy.

I can't think of anything to talk about now.

Where do all the lovers meet with one another?
In an effort to uncover what has happened to the silent days?
Despite ones on the corner, dream of something warmer
A semblance of our old ways, what has happened to our handmade days?

I am a psycho for Crystal Castles. This song is only a cover, but OMG I lalalalove this song.
It's so addictive.

Anyways. Imma end this blog now.

Bai.

Can't We Just Disappear and Take Our Chances?

2008-06-17T18:06:00.003-04:00

SRSLY? SRSLY!
ARG.
I don't like my life.
I don't even know what to say or how to start.

Now that I'm blogging I don't know if I want to.
I'm gonna minimize this and study for a bit...
Maybe I can calm down and get some of my thoughts in order.

Okay, no.
I haven't calmed down.
I want to scream.
I have too much energy right now to blog.

I can't seem to get my head to focus on one thought.
I'm realizing that most of the things I want to talk about are Secret Page worthy.

I need to go work out.
I have too much energy, it's scaring me a bit.

So check it - the Secret Page.
There may or may not be some new information.
Depends on my ability to calm the fuck down.

How Do I Feel For Thee?

2008-06-15T20:57:00.002-04:00

How DO I feel for thee?
It's completely against all my better judgement.
I know that you're not good for me.
And I'm not right for you.
So explain to me why it hurts when I try to avoid you.

Welcome to my therapy session with myself.
That is my major revelation.
Blog = Kristen's one-sided therapy.

I've downloaded new music.
It drives me crazy, because I always find songs that make perfect sense to me... And it always makes me hopeful and happy and depressed and miserable and so on. A huge retarded mix of emotions that make no sense and when combined, make my head and heart explode.

So here's my nouveau intense heart-exploding playlist:
Lovers Who Uncover - Crystal Castles
Loving and Caring - Crystal Castles
Courtship Dating - Crystal Castles
Even the Fairy Tale Characters Will Be Jealous - PlayRadioPlay!
I'm A Pirate, You Are A Princess - PlayRadioPlay!*
Madi, Don't Leave - PlayRadioPlay!

*This song makes me so happy, I can't even begin to explain.

Hm. So I need to expand on this playlist, but I'm running out of artists...
I crave new music, and as much as I'm willing to admit that it's not healthy...
It's even worse if I DON'T get new music.
New music is a distraction from the confusion in my head.

I reread Twilight.
Now I need to be shot, because I'm super retarded and addicted.

Ahh!
*headbangs on the desk*
Back to the frustrations of my first topic.
STOP TALKING TO ME.
Make my life easier.
As I write this you randomly start up.
Make me completely insane, why don't you?

Is there a hole in your heart.
Or am I mistaken?
I can see your
capillary veins...
You be the patient,
I'll be the surgeon.
Just
like in first grade,
On the playground all day.

So yes. That's PlayRadioPlay! distracting me from life. I think I'm done blogging for today. I'm too distracted by the conversation I'm having with the person I'm trying to avoid.

I'm good at this, yes?

Even Fairy Tale Characters Would Be Jealous

2008-06-13T17:12:00.002-04:00

THIS HORRID WEEK IS OVER!
I can get my life back!
I can get my intelligence back!
I can get my sanity back!
..I hope

Wow. Internet ADD kicked in... again.
I started this at 4. It's 6.

Soo. I found a website that asks you 130 questions, and tries to help steer you in a direction as to what kind of disorder/mental illness you might have.
Guess what my top result was.
It was actually really high.
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
SCHIZOPHRENIA YAYAAYAY!

Out of ALL the possible mental illnesses that I might have...
I did NOT see that coming.

Well, I guess it's only a matter of time before I tin foil my whole room and whisper about bad people trying to get into my head. I've already got the math genius. I can start writing crazy formulas all over my tin foil.

Hm. Yes.
I love crazy.
I think it suits me.

So anyway.
I've been applying like crazy to Vaughan Mills stores.
I neeeeeed a job. -.-
I applied to... De Serres♥ and Old Navy
And I'm planning a day trip to force my resume on anyone who will take it.

I'll be really happy if I manage to get hired at De Serres, or Coles♥
Although, I'm not sure how much money I'm going to make working at either store.
I love both stores/Spend ridiculous amounts of time in both.
Let's just be proud that I'm not trying for West49.
I'd go into debt.
Beyond debt.

Okay that's all.
Yes, today's short.
I'll write about what happened at school today, tomorrow...
Because I'm boring of writing/Should start studying.

And the Lion Fell in Love With the Lamb

2008-06-12T20:31:00.002-04:00

I feel nauseous.
My brain is going to explode.
Thinking about you makes everything hurt.
How can you do this to me?
I don't even know you anymore,
But you still have a hold on my heart.
I wanna run to your doorstep and jump into your arms.
Just like in the countless dreams I've had.

I need to MOVE THE FUCK ON.
I mean, I've tried.
Of course I've tried.
I've even tried to push you out with the infatuation of others.
It doesn't work.
Trust me.
I mean, I care about people.
But in the back of my head,
It's you I care about the most.

There's no reason for this.
It isn't rational.
Get out of my head, please.
I asked nice like.
Just do it.

No matter what, I still feel it.
I just want it to stop.

ANYWAYS.
My little rant is over.
Let's think of something else.
My brain always jumps to Edward Cullen.
Someone shoot me now.

I think I need to watch another X-men movie...
And get all these muddled up thoughts out of my head.
There's something about Wolverine that completely clears my mind.
*Drools*
Oh yeah...
That's why.

I need to stop doing this.
It isn't healthy.
I'm sinking slower and slower into insanity.
Summer will cure me.
I just gotta believe that summer will make this all stop.

Oh, i've so far gone.
It's ridiculous.
I need a cure. NAO.

So I guess I should vaguely explain my rant.
It's for someone not mentioned on the secret page.
Not for the person that the letter was for.
This goes back an eternity before them.
Before I felt anything for anyone else.

I'm feeling so epic today.
Doesn't that sound epic?
It's really not as magical as it seems.
I've been reading too much Twilight.
That's all.
Now everything has to sound epic,
Otherwise it gets dulled by the perfection of Twilight.

Okay. Read all that over.
Clearly I've lost it.
Even I think I'm crazy.
Do crazy people know they're crazy?
Oh my gosh, I need serious help.
-Hyperventelates-

I'm going to go self-diagnose myself.
Laater.