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posted by PsychoKris at 9:37 PM | 1 Comments

I am falling apart and it feels like there's nothing I can do about it.

I can't handle university.
Life Science? What the fuck was I thinking?
I don't even know why I'm here.
I hate chemistry.
I hate physics.

I guess I like math and biology...
I honestly don't see myself in a career revolving around them anymore.

I'm wondering why the FUCK I didn't pick graphic design over this bullshit.
Honestly... I would be so happy with a job in graphic design.
Why didn't I see this before?
Oh right... because I still had dreams of being a doctor.
A psychiatrist.
I'm so fucking dumb.

I feel like crying. These courses are too damn hard.
I quit life.

posted by PsychoKris at 2:35 PM | 0 Comments

Oh hot damn.
Kristen met the Johnstonesssss!♥
They are madddd sexy. Holy.
So this is officially my favourite frosh story.
And incredibly, I am sober throughout this whole thing.

So. Tonight was faculty night...
My faculty (science) went out into the forest and the lake and went canoeing, played volleyball, and some other lametard camp activities.
So. I did not go to my faculty night.

Instead, I creeped the Johnstones show, which was the event planned for the social science faculty night. I wandered around the fenced off area and all the soc sci reps told me to go away.

Then Ryan, Julian, and Garbonez came out of the fenced off area, filming their awesome videos.
So I may of may not be in one of their notorious Youtube films.

While the filming was going on, Ryan told me I should go to the show.
Um. ♥.
I whipped out my Johnstones T-shirt and he told me to sneak in somehow.
After that... twas my mission to go to the show.

So I met up with my soc sci neighbour.
He showed me the symbol they drew on his hand for re-entry.
I proceeded to draw one on my hand.

Mission complete-ish?

So we get there and they tell me I can get in for $2.
Perfect. I paid. Happily.

So the show was the sex.
I was wearing my Johnstones shirt, screaming the words at the top of my lungs.
It was really fun :] and people thought I was nuts.
And I think Jarek saw me screaming out the words.

So after I crept around to where they were standing and talking to Ryan and Jarek.
And I took a picture with themmmm♥

Haha so then Ryan wandered to the merch table and I was talking to Jarek.
Jarek thought I was awesome because I was a Life Sci-er. HE was in Life Sci at McMaster. So then he was talking to me about classes and how I liked Mac and stuff.

He was so cute haha. I told him about my mission getting into the concert and he was like. Oh. Here's what you do. See those bushes? Climb through those. I used to do that all the time when I was here. But if you're here to see us, just come find me and I'll bring you in.

Um. LOVE.

So a while back in Wasaga I got Ryan and Julian to sign my Johnstones t-shirt.
Jarek, Rene, and Brent signed my shirt too.

So basically I got to meet all of them. Have an amazing in depth conversation with Jarek, a picture with Ryan and Jarek, and possibly filmed in Ryan and Julian's movie.

Holy shit today was a sexy day.
Damn.
Haha.

So tomorrow.
Going home.
♥

I'm kind of a loser with my homesickness... but mostly I miss my shower... lol.
K I got class tomorrow.
Haha.
Night.

posted by PsychoKris at 12:46 AM | 0 Comments

So.
I'm going to start compiling a list of all the things I've been doing to avoid thinking too much.

1. Watch TrueBlood reruns. Eric can 'glamour' pretty much every sad thought from my head.
2. Update Itunes and find all Cover Art. Good waste of an hour or so.
3. Watch Disney movies and dream about princes. And magic. And happy things.
4. Dance around like a moron to USS, Saint Alvia, and Matt & Kim.
5. Update Facebook profile. And then close Facebook before I start creeping.
6. Photoshop. And listen to songs on repeat. Make pretty things out of my insanity.
7. Watch movies about people who are much sadder than me.
8. Wikipedia random things... and click on blue words.
9. Make friendship bracelets. These waste hours and busy my hands like mad.
10. The Sims 3. It's nice control some kind of life since I have absolutely no control over my own.
11. Rating all songs out of 5. Yes I'm back to organizing Itunes. I have self-diagnosed OCD.
12. Play Viva Pinata on Xbox 360. Gardening in the basement, instead of outdoors in the sun.
13. Listen to the Johnstones podcasts. Fall in love with Ryan's voice.
14. Write my craptastic novel. I have tons of experience in the pitiful romantic comedy field.
15. Download new music. Rediscover old songs.
16. Lie in the sun. Look at clouds.
17. Make pro/con lists of possible actions. Set them on fire.
18. Watch my Grey's Anatomy/Gilmore Girls DVDs.
19. Belt out Paramore songs at the top of my lungs. Yay for Rock Band.
20. Blog about how sad my life is. I do a good job, don't you think?

So. Yes.
This is what my exciting life has been reduced to.
I need to get out of the house.
I need to stop holding my breath.
I need to stop worrying about other people and take care of me.

posted by PsychoKris at 2:23 PM | 0 Comments

I been doing very little. A lot.

I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse/TrueBlood books for weeks.
I'm on the fourth one now.
They're kind of amazing?

I probably like them more than Twilight.
Eric Northman > Edward Cullen. For sure :)


posted by PsychoKris at 12:37 AM | 0 Comments

My faith in music has been restored.
Frustrated with my last music slump, I downloaded some 30 random songs recommended by strangers on the Internet, hoping that at least a few songs would be listenable.
I was thoroughly impressed with some of the musical gems I found.

Lessons Learned - Matt & Kim
Ok, so the video for this is amazing. I don't know why I love it so much. Streaking is nothing new in music videos, but this one makes me feel hopeful and liberated. And I'm not even the one running naked in New York.
The song feels sincere, folky, punkish, and electronic all at the same time.

Japanese Gum - Her Space Holiday
I haven't listened to this one as much as I would have liked, but so far I love it. To be honest, I only downloaded it for the sweet title. It's sweet and sad and simple. Maybe too simple, but that will unveil itself in time.

Jump in the Pool - Friendly Fires
This song makes me think of summer. Diving into pools at night. And flying. And being in love. It's lovely. They're congos and a combination of upbeat and serene voices.

Little Secrets - Passion Pit
I ADORE Passion Pit. This song probably is the best description of my life at this very second. It's a bit more electronic then my usual stuff, but this song. It's about secrets and adrenaline. It's my life in a box, basically.

Moth's Wings - Passion Pit
I've said it lots of times. These guys are DEFINITELY going to be huge. This song is absolutely beautiful. Like. Unbelievable. This song in particular blows my mind.

Feel.Love.Thinking.Of - Faunts
Cuuuuuute. It's electronic but not overly so. The voice is soothing and longing. I can't let go what I'm thinking of either C: So I won't.

Heads Will roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
OFF OFF OFF WITH YOUR HEAD♥
This song is fabulous. Makes me wanna dance. And sing. Loud.

The rest are throwbacks by Blink182, Broken Social Scene, Bloc Party, Beck, and a couple other songs I decided I could not live without.
♥ C:
K, that's all.
I just thought I should share my happy news.
Music isn't dead.

posted by PsychoKris at 1:36 AM | 0 Comments

So.
I've fallen in love with the saddest song in the world.
I actually feel like crying pretty much every time I hear it.
And... you know, because I'm psychotic, I have had it on loop for pretty much 24 hours.
Here are the words. You can listen to it on the July/August playlist.

If it makes you less sad
I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you want
I already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad
We'll start talking again
And you can tell me how vile
I already know that I am

I'll grow old
And start acting my age
I'll be a brand new day
In a life that you hate
A crown of gold
A heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts a whole lot
But it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad you that can forgive
Only hoping as time goes
You can forget

If it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself
I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad
I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint
I will paint myself out
It's as cold as a tomb
And it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed
To pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits
Or get a grip
Say you wanted a solution
You just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget
So you can forget
You can forget

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white like the skin
Stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before the rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget

Yeah.
It doesn't help that I finished Eclipse.
I no longer feel sad for Bella. At all.
I actually think she's an idiot.
And Edward is annoying.
And Jacob Black's pain has put me in my emo mood.
Wow. He definitely puts my issues in perspective.
Like I was reading and listening to that song.
It was probably the most depressing combination.

So conclusion.
I love Jacob Black...
The End.

Other than that.
There are no new developments.

I shouldn't be allowed to blog in the summer.
All I do is ramble about things that don't matter.
But I know tomorrow I'll be doing the same thing.
Creeping on my brother's computer just to use this as a way to sort out the mess in my head.
And it's such a big mess.

Ok I'll stop.
Laater.

EDIT:
So I was creeping the Eclipse page on Stephenie Meyer's website... And the Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot is on her Eclipse playlist.
WOW. That makes so much sense it hurts my heart a little.

posted by PsychoKris at 3:19 PM | 0 Comments